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'The Cole_Trickle Incident'
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August 29, 2009 - 5:57 am
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This is my reply to Cole from another thread. Since it deals with religion and spirituality, I felt it should be in the appropriate forum. Anyway, here goes:

Cole, get ready to get Funky. My apologies, but it seems you've read more into Friedrich Nietsche than you should. There are some things you just have to take on faith.

'The Cole_Trickle Incident'
1 act, 2 scenes
The players: Cole_Trickle, God (in 2 manifestations), Lucifer, Saddam Hussein
Scene 1: The path to Heaven
(Curtain rises with Cole and a beggar on the path.)
Cole, to himself: I wonder where this path leads? Where am I, how did I get here? Man, this is weird.
Beggar: Relax, Cole, you're on the right path.
Cole: Hey, who are you, and how did you know my name? Don't get too close, you smelly bum!
Beggar: I was a King amongst my people, and you already know my name.
Cole: Jesus Christ, here's another one. How do I keep running into people like this?
Beggar: Told you so.
Cole: Told me what?
Beggar: That you know my name.
Cole: What, Jesus Christ? No such person.
Beggar: 'Kay, if you say so. (disappears in a flash of light)
Cole, to himself: Whew, he stunk. Hey, check out these gates on the path. They look like mother of pearl, must be some rich dude lives here.
(Gates open, Cole passes through)
Cole: D*mn, the sun behind that cloud seems awful bright.
God: At least one kind of son is.
Cole: Who said that?
God: You know my name.
Cole: Here we go again, twice in one day...I don't believe in God.
God: I believe in you.
Cole: What are you, really?
God: I am that I am.
Cole: Really? I've had about enough of this crap.
God: Same here, you get one more chance.
Cole: There is no God!
God: (ZAP/BOOM!) There is no Cole. Not in Heaven, anyway. Hey Lucifer, INCOMING!
(Curtain closes)
Scene 2: Highway to Hell
(Curtain rises with Cole, Saddam and Lucifer on a smoky 4-lane)
Cole: God, my head hurts.
Lucifer: Too late for that.
Cole: What? Who the Hell are you?
Saddam: Shut up, Infidel.
Cole: Go to Hell, creep.
Lucifer: You've got the general idea.
Saddam: We're going to Babylon!
Cole: What are you babbling about?
Lucifer: Babble? Really? See this fork, bub?
Saddam: Can I watch?
Cole: Try it and I'll shove it up your *ss.
Lucifer: I don't think so. Bend over.
Saddam: Some guys get all the fun.
Lucifer: Chill, Saddam. (Saddam freezes)
(Curtain closes)
Cole: Ow! Stop it! EEEOWWW! OH GOD IT HURTS! AAAGH!
(Curtain rises)
Lucifer: Keep saying that if you want, but it's still too late.
Cole: What have I done to deserve this?
Lucifer: You served me well, my son. I'm rewarding you.
Cole: (anguished moaning) No...please...don't...stop...!
Lucifer, smiling wickedly: I can't believe he said it that way, this is going to be fun.
(Curtain closes)
FINIS

Good night, Cole. Pleasant dreams. 😈 Laugh

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humphreys
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August 29, 2009 - 3:10 pm
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Wow, religion is lovely, isn't it?

Believe in me or suffer in agony. You know, when humans have that attitude, we call them evil.

"All of our behavior can be traced to biological events about which we have no conscious knowledge: this has always suggested that free will is an illusion."

- Sam Harris

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Nesaie
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August 30, 2009 - 2:17 am
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That reminds me of a joke. 😎

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern
angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly
said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let
in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with
the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building
improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning,
flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a
pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a
sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've
got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and
there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with
next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an
engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down
there; send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the
staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things
are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or
I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU
going to get a lawyer?"

http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/humor- ... -joke.html

Such a society would be dominated by an elite, unrestrained by traditional values. Soon it will be possible to assert almost continuous surveillance over every citizen... - Zbigniew Brezhinsky

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August 30, 2009 - 6:19 am
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Humphreys; You missed the point! Cole decided where he would spend eternity, god just gave Cole what he wanted ( for God to leave him alone!). God told us the rules, don't get pissed if you get kicked out for breaking them! 😉

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Nesaie
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August 30, 2009 - 7:44 pm
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"ShadowWalker" wrote: God told us the rules

You mean like physics right?

Such a society would be dominated by an elite, unrestrained by traditional values. Soon it will be possible to assert almost continuous surveillance over every citizen... - Zbigniew Brezhinsky

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August 30, 2009 - 8:33 pm
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Good joke, Nesaie, thanks! 🙂

Updated for your latest: Um, yes, physics too. Or maybe why physicists still don't have a satisfactory equation to explain the Universe. 😛

Humphreys: The base purpose of Religion is to create a Code of Law which is inescapable by any man, regardless of his position or status. Its secondary purpose is to provide hope of an 'afterlife', a higher plane of existence, where all the troubles of the physical world are left behind.

If we have to train our minds to be a part of that higher plane...and want everyone to share said plane with us...then it makes sense to employ a system of rewards and punishments as incentive.

I suppose another way of writing that would be the possibility that 'the whole shebang' is to avoid falling back into the Chaos from which everything began by maintaining Order.

You can keep the Pearly Gates, though. The Biblical description of Heaven wouldn't work for me; I'd rather hunt in a forest, lounge on a sunny beach between swims, or drift across the Cosmos. Anyone up for a game of Comet Tag? 😀

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humphreys
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August 30, 2009 - 11:53 pm
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"ShadowWalker" wrote: Humphreys; You missed the point! Cole decided where he would spend eternity, god just gave Cole what he wanted ( for God to leave him alone!). God told us the rules, don't get pissed if you get kicked out for breaking them! 😉

He wasn't kicked out, he was passed onto the Devil (a being God created), for eternal punishment and torture.

Imagine if I created a cult, kidnapped you, and offered you the choice of coming to worship me. The choice would be yours, but if you chose not to, you would be passed onto my hired goons to be tortured.

What would you think of my cult? I think you would consider me evil for giving you such a "choice".

In reality though, I would be acting far more fairly than your Bible God, as I at least would give you the proof of my existence.

"All of our behavior can be traced to biological events about which we have no conscious knowledge: this has always suggested that free will is an illusion."

- Sam Harris

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humphreys
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August 30, 2009 - 11:55 pm
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"vulcan6gun" wrote: The base purpose of Religion is to create a Code of Law which is inescapable by any man, regardless of his position or status. Its secondary purpose is to provide hope of an 'afterlife', a higher plane of existence, where all the troubles of the physical world are left behind.

If we have to train our minds to be a part of that higher plane...and want everyone to share said plane with us...then it makes sense to employ a system of rewards and punishments as incentive.

I suppose another way of writing that would be the possibility that 'the whole shebang' is to avoid falling back into the Chaos from which everything began by maintaining Order.

That's a rather generous description of religion. I am sure something created with such good in mind would have caused far less death and hatred.

"All of our behavior can be traced to biological events about which we have no conscious knowledge: this has always suggested that free will is an illusion."

- Sam Harris

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September 1, 2009 - 11:49 am
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"humphreys" wrote:
He wasn't kicked out, he was passed onto the Devil (a being God created), for eternal punishment and torture.

Imagine if I created a cult, kidnapped you, and offered you the choice of coming to worship me. The choice would be yours, but if you chose not to, you would be passed onto my hired goons to be tortured.

What would you think of my cult? I think you would consider me evil for giving you such a "choice".

In reality though, I would be acting far more fairly than your Bible God, as I at least would give you the proof of my existence.

Well said mate. 😀

Read between the lies

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September 2, 2009 - 6:42 am
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"humphreys" wrote: That's a rather generous description of religion. I am sure something created with such good in mind would have caused far less death and hatred.

Not once you realize that it was conceived of by a few rational beings, interpreted and dispensed by less-rational ones, and is practiced by the totally irrational. 😮

Ever wonder why chimpanzees laugh and sneer at us so frequently? 😯

:mrgreen:

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