December 19, 2018
Men & Women Are Confused with Regards to Heterosexual Relationships.
By W. O. Belfield, Jr.
“Never the Twain Shall Meet”
Thomas Berry Brazelton (May 10, 1918 – March 13, 2018) was an American pediatrician, author, and the developer of the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale (NBAS). In summarizing his theories, Brazelton observed that once a baby is born it needs to be interacted with and touched affectionately in order to develop properly as a human being. This kind of attentiveness is not only required during childhood but is needed throughout adolescence and adulthood for maintaining normal emotional development. As we get older the type of attentiveness changes. For instance, the kind of receptivity used during adolescence will not be as effective during adulthood. At any age attentiveness or receptivity is still required to ensure emotional stability.
A lack of any kind of healthy intimate relationships will create a neurotic adult with low self-esteem. In the United States there exists a repressed sexual culture whereby an individual could conceivably go through their entire life without any physical intimacy. Those “power elites” whose major interests are to maintain the status quo do not want well-adjusted individuals in society. Well-adjusted individuals challenge the status quo. The elites want neurotic individuals on the edge because they can be easily manipulated and will not question the morality of a wartime economy.
American society evades any kind of open dialogue concerning the sexual relations between men and women. In America it is taboo to openly talk about sex on the other hand to talk about killing and war is perfectly acceptable. This kind of dysfunctional society creates the frame work for a violent and war ready culture. This type of social psychopathology has its roots with “sex education” programs in schools, private and public. What is taught is a contemporary ideology that is grossly flawed.
During adolescence males and females have a parallel but not identical curiosity about sex. This is perfectly normal at this stage of development. Females at this stage are hardwired when it comes to sex. Curiosity about sex for adolescent females is a dress rehearsal for procreation. Women by nature are not promiscuous like men. Women are hard wired not to be promiscuous because of their anatomy. For reasons being their genital system is more susceptible to microbial infections than the male genital system. Promiscuity for a woman increases the chances of contracting an infection which decreases their chances of ever conceiving. A woman who knows that she cannot have children can choose to be sexually promiscuous.
It is very unfortunate that an adolescent males sex education is not conducted by mature and responsible male adults but instead by unenlightened adult males. Men are promiscuous by nature. They mostly view sex as a form of recreational conquest. When the sexual tension in young men is rising to a fever pitch, they are hardwired to release it in anyway they can. They can release it through masturbation or sexual intercourse.
As a rule, females are much more cognizant of their feelings than males. Most often than not the typical adolescent male does not have the ability to coherently vocalize their feelings like the females. Highly aroused males will lie, cheat and steal and just about do anything short of murder to have sex. Males want as little “foreplay” as possible before having sex. When having sex all they want is to climax and that’s it! For the most part they are not sensitive enough to inquire if their partner was satisfied or not. They totally fail to share their feelings with their partner. This is where the feeling of animosity begins with men and women. An ever-increasing number of women are claiming that they are not sexually satisfied in their heterosexual relationships.
Women get emotionally close to men by sharing their feelings. Men get emotionally close to women through sexual intercourse. This emotional disconnect contributes to the animosity between men and women. Once a woman has given birth the curiosity, they had for sex is gone. With regards to sex most women can take it or leave it. Above all they prefer to do without (heterosexual sex) it.
When a woman gives birth her natural instincts to nurture comes into full bloom. She is now totally preoccupied in making sure her children survive. At this point in her life she has little or no desire for sex. The male, female relationship will be neglected. After the birth men no longer have the same importance in their relationship that they had before. Their emotional and sexual needs will be more difficult to fulfill. All this is perfectly normal.
Most men do not understand why their relationship is being neglected. After birth, they notice that conjugal relations are almost non-existent, if relations do exist, they do not have the same intensity that it once had. When the baby has arrived, most woman are just too tired to satisfy their partners need. This is quite understandable. Raising a child is mentally and physically draining.
In order to satisfy their sexual desires men will stray if they feel they can get away with it. If they do find a woman to satisfy their needs, they will eventually leave their significant other. In deciding to do this most men fail to realize that they are re-creating the very situation that they are trying to avoid. A general lack of understanding on the part of men is the reason for the breakup of their relationship. Some men out of a sense of loyalty will remain in a sexless relationship. Over time a large emotional rift is created in such a relationship with no hope of ever bridging the gap.
When men and women grow older, they each experience their own version of menopause. Most men experience what is called a “mid-life crisis” they want to relive their younger years. Women during this period have lost the desire for sexual relations. At this juncture in life they have failed to understand that sex for men is a means for them to get emotionally close to a woman. Women will now refrain from any kind of physical contact even a caressing touch to show that they care. This is a time when both men and women no longer have the capacity to love each other. If they ever get to a point in their lives where they realize this, it becomes a very sobering experience for them.
Medical science does not have a real understanding of why women primarily after menopause possess no desire at all for sex. Some doctors believe their lack of sexual desire is hormonal, some believe it is psychological others believe it could be environmental. What treatments that are available are not effective. Whatever the cause this is not normal human behavior. As men age, they can have little or no desire for sex, the main reason is usually impotence.
The next issue is certain to be controversial. The National Organization for Women (NOW) may have had it beginnings as an encounter group (a group of people who meet, usually with a trained leader, to increase self-awareness and social sensitivity, and to change behavior through interpersonal confrontation, self-disclosure, and strong emotional expression.) for women who no longer have any sexual desires in their heterosexual relationships. In the capitalistic system sex is a major factor in greasing the wheels of commerce. To openly admit to having no desire for sex is taking a chance of being labeled as a pariah. Since, women have a strong social nature they are unwilling to be marginalized as social pariahs.
For NOW, to become a mainstream organization they co-opted important social issues like; Reproductive rights and justice, Economic rights, ending violence against women, Racial justice, LGBTQ rights and Constitutional equality to name just a few. These issues and many others covered up the true inception of this organization. The increasing militant attitudes of women such as if a man speaks to a woman it should be considered rape is exposing the real underpinnings of the National Organization of Women. Studies have shown that ninety percent of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women. The combative attitudes of women reveal that there is a significant population of women who are basically miserable for reasons that can or can’t be justified. Whatever the reasons for being miserable these women are incapable of participating in a loving relationship that is not exclusively sexual.
It is normal. As men grow older there is a definite decrease in the frequency of sexual relations. Men overtime will understand this reality and they will come to the realization that sex is only one aspect of a loving relationship.
As women continue to compete with men for economic equality, they become more standoffish. Without realizing this or not they want the best of both worlds of men and women. They like it during social occasions when a man opens the door for them and pays the tab, simultaneously having an attitude that demands sexual equality. This is a form of cognitive dissonance. In contemporary times if a man pays a woman a complement this is immediately interpreted as a form of sexual harassment. Of course, there have been many cases where men have behaved badly towards women. The animosity that exists between men and woman has shredded the fabric of civility in society.
What can be done to bridge the relationship gap between men and women. First, men must come to the realization that women are very special. The reason being women can create life men cannot. After sex, the second biggest turn on for most males is seeing things explode or getting blown up. Men for the most part have a destructive nature. The average male must come to the realization that blowing things up doesn’t require a great deal of intelligence.
Sex education for males should always be taught separately or jointly by a man and a woman. Young males desperately need a female’s perspective on sexual relations. This arrangement provides two very important views concerning heterosexual relationships. In the past sex education for males was taught by men. The male view of sex education is at best deficient. Since women typically are more socially advanced than men. Sex education for females should and remain taught by females.
Women should jettison a couple of old corrosive notions the first being that if they do not want sex there partner also doesn’t want it. The second being that if a woman enjoys sex, she is a whore. Men in a sexless relationship should be given more options than masturbation and a cold shower. If medical science can ever arrive at a consensus concerning whether a woman’s lack of interest in sexual relations is normal or not, will be important in determining whether a serious consideration should be given to the legalization of prostitution. This debate should be a mature debate without the usual political theatrics.
W. O. Belfield, Jr.