The Black Vault

There are four things I remember about this dream. I have tried to see what each of these mean or what I can draw from them.

• I had at this point realized with glee that I was dreaming.
  I was in the store room of a grocery store or butcher shop. I was on a path, blocked by a table so I could either go forward or backward. While going forward, there was a large man with a large pet, the size of a crocodile. He was coming towards me. It seemed he wasn't going to stop so I turned around, as it would have been rude to try to shove him out of the way. I walked in the other direction and in front of me was a door.
  I don't remember actually stepping through the door.
  Events prior to this occurred but I can't remember them, which also is meaningful to me.
• Walking outside at night in a city. I think I was outside a bar or some other festive place. I was at the edge of the light. I decided to face the blackness behind me and I entered it.
  My body sizzled, by which I mean there was a tremendous tingling sensation and I went out of body, saw my body, and it was a shimmering yellow energy, and it was buckled upon the reception of the energy with its hands to its face.
  Then I came back into my body and saw in street lights a structure with many windows, all black. I was still located in a black zone. There were lights embedded within the windows. Tall and thin rectangular-shaped, bright lights behind which there was nothing but black.
  Reflecting on it now, it feels like I was being watched from within the windows. That odd eerie presence I have felt many times before returned.
• At this point, I decided to try to wake up but I couldn't despite numerous attempts. In one such attempt, I was prying open my eyes. I could feel my eyelids on my fingers, further convincing me that I was already awake yet I knew that in some sense, I wasn't.
  Then I suddenly saw my face an inch away from mind (mine), bathed in sunlight. My eyes had that particular glint characteristic of being in a bright light. The eyes were just looking at me, and mine at them.
• All I have to say for this part is DADT.

Then I came to.

Back when I was lucid dreaming and OoBEing a-lot, I had one of those dreams.
The ones inwhich you wake up and think you are awake and realize you're still dreaming.
It happened to me over and over again within the same dream..to the point inwhich I got panicky..thinking I couldn't wake up.
felt trapped..thought..'now I've done it, all the dream experiemnets and now I'm stuck'
Of course, at that point I did wake up.
I was so relieved, I remember.
My whole body ached from stress and I had a pounding headache from trying to force myself to wake up over and over again..
It was creepy as all get out.
It made me think of how it must feel for a person who has really lost touch with reality (and realizes it, even if only intermittently) must feel all the time.
How horrible that must feel.

finally the holographic yack' has gotten to you as well...although i just had strange thoughts,youve gone inconscious...Into the conscious to attempt to balance the brains energies,it does not understand why it cant understand maybe.
What i think is probaby so far off the mark if it were any further from the truth ,well you know !
Black is maybe the mist of mystery,as it is in many of our questions ,everyone has questions and i think the old saying "left in the dark" may have revelance here.
The black thing reminds me of a black hole of super energy,a force where as things go into it (like thoughts and questions) yet nothing comes out so it is with a black hole ..

well almost nothing comes from a black hole ,that is unless you eat so much info you blurt out 2 gigantic funnels..
Aww kf ,tell me you havnt that would cool...

oh yeah the table in your way in the dream is really you..

bionic wrote:Back when I was lucid dreaming and OoBEing a-lot, I had one of those dreams.
The ones inwhich you wake up and think you are awake and realize you're still dreaming.
It happened to me over and over again within the same dream..to the point inwhich I got panicky..thinking I couldn't wake up.
felt trapped..thought..'now I've done it, all the dream experiemnets and now I'm stuck'
Of course, at that point I did wake up.
I was so relieved, I remember.
My whole body ached from stress and I had a pounding headache from trying to force myself to wake up over and over again..
It was creepy as all get out.
It made me think of how it must feel for a person who has really lost touch with reality (and realizes it, even if only intermittently) must feel all the time.
How horrible that must feel.

Hits close to home, there.
imo, losing touch with reality can be gaining touch with another reality, and, indeed, being caught between the two is a horrible feeling at times.
I felt utterly convinced at a few different times that in order to survive in this society I must shut my third eye, so to speak. Coming to that conclusion, that I had a choice between the two, upset me. That was years ago and I have managed, since then, somehow.

Speaking of Carlos Castaneda being fiction, I can believe it. Once I delve deep into fiction, sometimes the characters get in my head and stay there. They speak in the voice of the character, even with the same mannerisms. Last night I had another one of these things and a presence appearing like don Juan appeared to me. I wanted to take notes and it said "you and your note taking!" Just like in the books. Yeah, it might have been Carlos' imagination. Definitely maybe. Maybe definitely.
Let's see what I wrote last night ...not much as I eventually just put the pen down and experienced.

You're always writing your notes! (Yeah, well I'm glad I did or else my brain wasn't going to recall anything this morning since I blacked out!)
Paraphrasing the personal:
things have already clicked, and clicked, and clicked. Yet I continue to run the same rat race in my mind as though I haven't learned and accomplished anything. This cycle perpetuates. Understanding, confusion, understanding, confusion. Fog.
Every time, I have the choice to remain focused on the task at hand or let my mind drift away into fantasy.
It might seem silly to you, but it also felt last night that an elevation of status occurred, possibly only meaning that I have come to a higher level of accepting myself.
Let's see, what else was written last night, hmm...
A name was written. Perhaps a name I have merely given to myself.
Just some rambling next. Numerology sounds like Deuteronomy and looks like Numbers. (Could Numerology somehow be connected to both Deuteronomy and Numbers, thus showing that Deuteronomy and Numbers are numerologically connected? I think what I was being told might have been something else entirely)
Trials recycled. Yes. But as often as not, it was pointed out that it wasn't a trial anymore. As often as not.
Accepted.

chiselray wrote:finally the holographic yack' has gotten to you as well...although i just had strange thoughts,youve gone inconscious...Into the conscious to attempt to balance the brains energies,it does not understand why it cant understand maybe.

inconscious, I like that. Living seems more likely than understanding, though it's in my nature to try to understand what I can but I often just shrug...wait a month. Or a day. And then attempt again. Are we there yet??? Are we there yet?? Understanding is going to take me some time.

What i think is probaby so far off the mark if it were any further from the truth ,well you know !
Black is maybe the mist of mystery,as it is in many of our questions ,everyone has questions and i think the old saying "left in the dark" may have revelance here.

Hence the 'my answer' thread. I should watch what I say and think.
Mystery, yes. A whodunnit. What is the nature of this particular tale, this mystery?

The black thing reminds me of a black hole of super energy,a force where as things go into it (like thoughts and questions) yet nothing comes out so it is with a black hole ..

I have a word for that, I call it a thoughthole. Wrote a poem about it called implosion swirling. Punky. Cocky. At times insightful and at others gross.
I am far more concerned about thoughtholes than black ones. Thoughtholes can completely rend a mind.
you know what it's like for a mind to be completely rended. Ever read Zen and the ARt of Motorcycle maintanance? The dude was consumed by a thoughthole that ate his questions and chipped his brain.

well almost nothing comes from a black hole ,that is unless you eat so much info you blurt out 2 gigantic funnels..
Aww kf ,tell me you havnt that would cool...

This is ceral business!!! What exactly is (or was) gigantic funnel blurted number 1 and gigantic funnel blurted number 2. Your words here have a private, special meaning for me.

oh yeah the table in your way in the dream is really you..

Hey now wait just a darn minute
Does that mean the door is me too?
One way to approach dreams is that you're seeing an image your subsconscious creates for you and all the stage props and characters are all put there by your subconscious for you to see yourself.
I forgot to add that I saw myself with red skin and glowing red eyes through a tunnel, so I could only see one eye and he could only see my eye. Then our two eyes came together and poof, the universe imploded on me again, metaphorically speaking of course.
What kicked last night off is I was seeing quite vividly like winamp music visualzation (fractals and other shapes) when I closed my eyes, listening to music. When I was zooming so fast man it blew my mind. Now I've come back to a rest again. Suddenly became overwhelmingly tired and passed out. When I woke up, I knew something significant had happened but I couldn't recall any of it. I tend to live in the now. And it was lonely in the now.

It's continuing.

I found a teacher I like in a room without words spoken by breath and I found that at least in that school, I can telepathy. She shook my hand and when I looked at it, it was a three-pointed claw like a bird of prey or vulture. It was amazing. She could teach me a lot, I know. Very diminutive yet extrodinarily powerful.

They said I had to stay for 180 days. I resisted heavily.

Then I saw practically everyone in elementary school, my age of course. I thought (theorized) that they might have given us something like cortexiphan in Fringe. Who knows?

I also had some combat training. The guy was much stronger than me but I think I might have given him a glimmer of hope that one day I'd have an ounce of the skill he has. I did get the impression that he had killed people, he was that sort of mindset.
I was arguin with him about what he was teaching me like a little kid in the back of the class. He could have hurt me if we fought but I'm sure he'd get a bruise or two.

Anyway, I digresss, it was a fantastic dream and I hope it continues next time.

I think they might decide I'm too disruptive of an influence, not that they're not prepared but for my sake I might get booted.

Do keep us updated.

I use to have reoccuring dreams in which I was at school..a kid at school.
Haven't had them in a while and kinda miss them.

at1with0 wrote:It's continuing.

I found a teacher I like in a room without words spoken by breath and I found that at least in that school, I can telepathy. She shook my hand and when I looked at it, it was a three-pointed claw like a bird of prey or vulture. It was amazing. She could teach me a lot, I know. Very diminutive yet extrodinarily powerful.

They said I had to stay for 180 days. I resisted heavily.

Then I saw practically everyone in elementary school, my age of course. I thought (theorized) that they might have given us something like cortexiphan in Fringe. Who knows?

I also had some combat training. The guy was much stronger than me but I think I might have given him a glimmer of hope that one day I'd have an ounce of the skill he has. I did get the impression that he had killed people, he was that sort of mindset.
I was arguin with him about what he was teaching me like a little kid in the back of the class. He could have hurt me if we fought but I'm sure he'd get a bruise or two.

Anyway, I digresss, it was a fantastic dream and I hope it continues next time.

I think they might decide I'm too disruptive of an influence, not that they're not prepared but for my sake I might get booted.

I'm going to take a wild guess
or IMHO yeah there we go, IMHO,

Its not that they are not prepared or that you would get booted,
rather you still have, too much fear, too much fear
and insecurity, deep down you don't feel good enough.
Because to accept that you are means too much
in the truth...and yet fate.

School is a recurring even for me, too. Usually, it's schools I've been to with differences, like I'm the teacher, or I'm the most inept one there. A few about invitations to join some kind of army. Also a few about a ceremony that is important, like the ceremony of going to 9th kyu to 10th in karate (white to yellow), promotion. Or one that involved something called the continuum to adopt me as an apprentice and I think I've been a disappointment but, then again, it doesn't really feel disappointment like a human would.

I wasn't there at that place again last night to my recollection. I have the feeling that a vividly clear school where I'm conscious will not happen so obviously again; I think it will be more symbolic.
No dreams visions in the last 24 hours.

I've lost the chip on my shoulder but it might very well come back. Hopefully not for a while.



Oh, and this is more for the rambling thread I started but my wife decided to fund going back to karate training in the nearest city. It's shotokan which is what I took in the 90's so there's consistency. So she's decided to exercise with me and learn some self-defense which is good; she might need it someday.

sandra wrote:Its not that they are not prepared or that you would get booted,
rather you still have, too much fear, too much fear
and insecurity, deep down you don't feel good enough.
Because to accept that you are means too much
in the truth...and yet fate.

Wild guess, eh?

I do feel a lot of insecurity about some things and fear failure. It reminds me of the question she asked in the video that used to be in my signature: "you'd rather die than fail?" And that, for me, isn't a question that's as easy as it should be. Not feeling good enough for much other than creative expression; I have full confidence that I can express myself if I want to. I just hope I can rise to the occasion and not totally unprepared for my "fate", if there is such a thing.