The Black Vault

Greetings to you all who remember me.

It is on the last day of 2009 that I return to you people, simply explaining the things that have happened to me over the past year. John was kind enough to sent me a message on Facebook, offering me to come back, as did others before him. This does not mark my return but I believe I owe it to people to at least tell them where I stand.

Fact of the matter is, I have not been doing well. As some of you might remember I took my leave on the Vault months ago, seems years however, as a person who had found love and was working hard to transform himself from being a carefree 25-year old into a 25-year old stepdad and a lover, for lack of a better term. I speak to you know, a 26-year old person who is neither anymore.

Fact that hardly anyone knows about is that we were already in the planning phase for the possibility of marriage, sometime in 2010. A month or two after I moved in there, things started going south. Her family liked me, all except her parents who raised her very strict and it was that, that ultimately led to the break-up. Her parents started criticizing things about me, my past or the way I was with her son. I never really noticed anything of those but then again, my knowledge of the Turkish language was poor at best so many of the phrases just went by me anyway.

Eventually things became clear that the way it was, was not making her happy anymore and after another week or so, it ended. I moved back home, and was confronted with how my life was before her. Mind you, she was the first real serious thing that I ever gotten into, so I was confronted with what a lonely life I had been living up to that point. It never bothered me, because frankly, I didn’t know any better. She had changed that, and once again I tumbled back in to that old way. The problem now being the knowledge of how much I had needed someone’s support and love. That was gone now.

So the months after that, this realization grew ever stronger. With that, came the unavoidable depression and worse. I have been on and off medication for some time now. There are few days when I do not wish morning did not come. Wounds that should have been healed by now have no chance of that because I am confronted with her everyday at work. She has found someone, and is now a married woman. I, on the other hand, had tried a relationship with someone else, only to find I was being toyed around with. That didn’t really help my current state of mind.

In those months I have alienated people around me, locked myself away to all but a very select few people. On Facebook, I have done so to numerous people of this community, for that I am sorry. Very sorry.

So here I am, New Year’s Eve and I am in bed, sick. I wanted to take this chance to wish everyone a happy New Year and I hope 2010 will bring us all good things. 2009 has been a year filled with ups in the beginning but it all crumbled down from that. The only positive note I can offer is that my gaming hobby finally landed me a spot at Chief-Editor at a new website in Belgium. Hopefully my help can contribute to it’s success.

With kind regards,

Stieven (MIB)

WOOT! You better stick around. Or Imma have to kidnap you, and airfare is expensive nowadays, so don't make me do it!

Good to see ya made it back MIB...











BloodStone...

Well, Stieven, I appreciate you coming here and giving us your update.

I know you may not feel like you want to come back, and that's ok! I invited you back so you saw the changes here, and so you'd find some old friends you haven't talked to in a while.

I, too, hope you stay. Things do happen for a reason. But if not, I wish you all the best You're always welcome here!

I will say this. Boards like this that have a special feel to them, surrounded by friends (and friendly debaters alike) is sometimes what we need. We can wake up and check our messages from half a globe away, or peer into the thoughts and minds of another country we've never visited.

It may sound cheesy, but it's powerful.

That said, I remember when you first started coming here. You're one of the few who have a special story, and may not realize it. I was just talking about you the other day to a good buddy of mine on the phone. I said this kid started coming to the site YEARS ago, and barely spoke english. But he posted for years, and even reading your post above, it's indicative of how much you've learned to communicate in English.

Now, maybe, The Black Vault isn't 100% responsible, but it's fun to have watch your growth communicating here from that kid many moons ago, to now an adult speaking better English than me!

You take care of yourself. Like I said, you're always welcome, and it is good to have you back -- even for a minute.

Your friend,

John Greenewald, Jr.

I'm glad to see you here, Mibs.
Hope you feel better soon.
As to the other stuff, well, you know. We've spoken about it before and you know you can message me whenever you need to talk.

MIB..
Oh honey, I'm so sorry.
Nursing a broken heart just..SUCKS.
People don't realize just how bad it is until they go through it.
Just be glad things fell apart before you got married.

I think many people get into realtionships with folks that have kids not realizing just how much they are taking on with that. How hard that can be.
People, in the beginning throws of love think it conquers all and that's just not true.
Really, the daily grind, living together, dealing with each others, friends and family, the stresses of life etc...THIS is what's real.

Ones best chances for a truly lasting relationship is to find someone who is like them in interest, values and such. (and of course you'd have to desire them, too)

If you are lonely for romance..please join a club or something that draws others with similar interests and values as yours, folks who are maybe looking for a mate, too.

There are a-lot of people out there for you..you simply have to force yourself to reach out and go for it. there are a-lot of people out there looking for love and a real relationship. They are out there. It's just everyone is too shy and too scared to be vulnerable, I think.

Do you know Whitley Strieber met his much loved wife (of many years) through a dating service.

Many people are meeting this way these days. if that isn't what works for you, join a club that is about one of your interests. It could be anything, science, gaming, UFO's, politics, comic books, Sci-Fi, heck..I dunno, photgraphy (they actualy have clubs like these for singles that are looking for mates, too!!)
You could even take a class at the local community college.. one that intrigues you...it could evren be tongue in cheek like clog dancing..or it could be more serious like creative writing...heck go learn tae Chi..or join a gym (they are ntorious for hooking up men and women..gyms and heaqlth clubs..must be all the sweat releasing hormones and endorphins into the air or something)

Allow yourself, to learn and to heal some more, and when you are ready, I implore you, put yourself out there.

Also, come back here..this place can be fun.

may 2010 bring good things your way.

As to the other stuff, well, you know. We've spoken about it before and you know you can message me whenever you need to talk.

Likewise MIBs! I may not always give the best advice but I'm definitely open to talk if you want to.

Welcome back home MIB

Hi Stieven,

Who doesn't remember you? Nobody ever topped your 40K+ post count for sure. Thanks for sharing your last years events with us, like John says, the wonderful thing about this site, is the friendships around the world we make. I'm still humbled everytime I think about how people were concerned for me and preyed while I had my knee replacments, and none have ever seen me face to face. Thats the kind of friends you have here too.

Just a bit of Fatherly advise and wisdom. Sometimes things are just not ment to be, and finding it out can be a painful process. Trust me, you are a young fellow at 26, you are going to find the right girl and end up married with a houseful of kids someday, with inlaws who love and respect you. Her family who talked about you, is now that other guys "Inlaws", probably doing the same thing to him behind his back to their daughter.

You will find a day when you will be saying "Thank God", this is the Mother and Father in law I ended up with, and not them". Put it behind you, the one for you is waiting for you to find her. And you will!

PS start posting again too, everyone misses you.

Hey Mibs

Sorry to see the pressures youve been under mate..
With all that in mind,many types of experiences will get you down if you entertain the idea,but dont let them..please !
I know the feeling of being so focused on mind chatter through despair and the like ,the loss of loved ones within the family or closer pretty much buries the best parts of a person if they let it happen..You can be your own savior,dont be forget that.....
I hope you hang around...

chisel