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Retirement In The USA....

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Postby Guest » Fri Jul 17, 2009 8:45 am

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City where....
1.. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (ed note: if you have a car)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can retire to Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." (It's important to know the difference.)

You can retire to Colorado where....
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4.. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

You can retire to Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist..
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
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Postby greeney2 » Fri Jul 17, 2009 9:03 am

We had artichokes just the other night! :lol:
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Postby _Billy_ » Fri Jul 17, 2009 8:16 pm

I ask you, what is wrong with _Billy_ Bob?
"Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez" Let the Good Times Roll
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Postby Tairaa » Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:10 pm

The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


Hold on a second here... That sounds like it is here!
"George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd."
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Postby Lashmar » Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:23 pm

You can retire to Maine where...
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


if it had a warm summer that sound nice. :D :lol: :lol:


You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." (It's important to know the difference.)


That was brilliant. I've always wanted to know about the two names though, WTF was going on when they started that one off?
Read between the lies
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Postby Wing-Zero » Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:30 pm

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.


When the hell do you need anything else?

Lashmar wrote:That was brilliant. I've always wanted to know about the two names though, WTF was going on when they started that one off?


Pretending to sound classy and sophisticated.
War is an extension of economics and diplomacy through other means.

Economics and diplomacy are methods of securing resources used by humans.

Securing resources is the one necessary behavior for all living things.

War = Life
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Postby Lashmar » Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:43 am

Wing-Zero wrote:Pretending to sound classy and sophisticated.


Billy-Bob does have a touch of class about it. Especially when your father (also your bother down there I hear ;) :lol: ) is called Earl.
Read between the lies
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Postby Tairaa » Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:50 am

Billy-Bob Thornton is one of my favourite Hollywood actors. He's got some skillz.
"George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd."
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Postby Wing-Zero » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:06 pm

Tairaa wrote:Billy-Bob Thornton is one of my favourite Hollywood actors. He's got some skillz.


About as much skill as Keanu Reeves and Nicholas Cage. :roll: :lol:
War is an extension of economics and diplomacy through other means.

Economics and diplomacy are methods of securing resources used by humans.

Securing resources is the one necessary behavior for all living things.

War = Life
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Postby Tairaa » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:30 pm

Whatever man, I like his acting. :P

Actually, I like Keanu Reeves and Nicholas cage too! :lol:
"George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the addition of a hair dryer makes it any more absurd."
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