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Leg-cutting funeral home to close (this is funny)

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Postby Lashmar » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:28 pm

A judge in the US state of South Carolina has ordered the closure of a funeral home where an employee cut off the legs of a 6ft 7in (2m) body.

The worker used an electric saw to sever James Hines's legs at the calf to make his body fit the coffin in 2004.

The owner had contested the revocation of his licence, saying he was absent when the incident happened and pointing to an otherwise unblemished record.

But after a brief hearing, the judge confirmed the business should close.

Earlier this year the owner of the funeral parlour in Allendale admitted that his father, who helped with cleaning and embalming bodies, had sawn off Mr Hines's legs.

The admission came after a former employee told police about the incident, four years after it happened.

In April South Carolina's funeral board exhumed the body and found the severed legs in the coffin.

Mr Hines has since been reburied in another coffin.



I love that. He's turned a difficult problem into a simple fix. What a man, I love this guy. :lol: :lol: :lol:

This is how the conversation would have gone if it were in the UK:

Employee: Boss?

Boss: yeah

Employee: We have a problem. The bastards too fucking big to fit in the coffin! He’s 6ft 7in!

Boss: that is a problem. What does the book say we should do?

Employee: it says we should get a bigger coffin.

Boss: That’s going to take longer. He’s already starting to turn. Can we put an extension on it?

Employee: No boss. Pass me the saw and I’ll cut his legs off. The lanky bastard isn’t going to miss a 12 inches.


I have an odd mind. That came to me in a few seconds. I should write a comic sketch or something like that. :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8150842.stm
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Postby Wing-Zero » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:35 pm

Oh who cares?

Bastard's dead, it's not like he needs those things to get to the pearly gates.

If anything that guy should be given a certificate for his ability to improvise.
War is an extension of economics and diplomacy through other means.

Economics and diplomacy are methods of securing resources used by humans.

Securing resources is the one necessary behavior for all living things.

War = Life
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Postby Lashmar » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:39 pm

Wing-Zero wrote:If anything that guy should be given a certificate for his ability to improvise.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

I agree.

Lets come up with a name for this certificate. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Wing-Zero » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:45 pm

How about...

The Certificate of Simplification?
War is an extension of economics and diplomacy through other means.

Economics and diplomacy are methods of securing resources used by humans.

Securing resources is the one necessary behavior for all living things.

War = Life
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Postby Lashmar » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:49 pm

Wing-Zero wrote:How about...

The Certificate of Simplification?


title's too long. It needs to be a shot title because the people that would be winning this wouldn't be the sharpest tool in the box. ;) :lol: :lol:

how about:

Good job thicko

You lazy bastard


got it:

The lazy bastard award.

8-) :lol: :lol:
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Postby Wing-Zero » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:50 pm

I dunno... if he has the energy to cut someone's legs off I'm sure he can't be THAT lazy.
War is an extension of economics and diplomacy through other means.

Economics and diplomacy are methods of securing resources used by humans.

Securing resources is the one necessary behavior for all living things.

War = Life
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Postby Lashmar » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:53 pm

But he couldn’t be bothered to measure him up properly in the first place or get a bigger coffin.

That should tell you about the level of intellect we’re working with. ;) :lol: :lol:
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Postby Wing-Zero » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:56 pm

Good point...

Then it's settled!

The Lazy Bastard Award it is.
War is an extension of economics and diplomacy through other means.

Economics and diplomacy are methods of securing resources used by humans.

Securing resources is the one necessary behavior for all living things.

War = Life
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Postby Lashmar » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:58 pm

the dumb F*** award could be a stand-by.

maybe the runner-up award. :? :lol: :lol:
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Postby Wing-Zero » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:59 pm

With the Silly Bitch Award as an honorable mention?
War is an extension of economics and diplomacy through other means.

Economics and diplomacy are methods of securing resources used by humans.

Securing resources is the one necessary behavior for all living things.

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