bionic wrote:Orange Tom..
I was thinking.
Maybe, a 'good' female mate could help to be a bridge for a male to emotionally connect with his offspring (more thouroughly?).
especially his son/s.
I see so many fathers and their adult sons in life not able to genuinely connect...and then it's too late..and they are hurting for it.
It's like, all is well until puberty hits..then a devide begins. One they seem to have trouble getting over.
A 'good' female mate could help with that. (among other things.."behind every great man..", etc..)
That mey not be the exact answer you were seeking..but I feel it's on the right track.
This is a very good post of yours. The tack is excellent. Thank you.
Many fathers cannot today connect with any of their children. Particularly when they get into their teenage years.
I'm going to tell you something about being a man..for which I think even many men cannot themselves express or think through. They simply don't have the ability or vocabulary to express such a concept. Sadly enough they can do a point spread but not get such a simple concept across..either to their sons/children or their woman.
When you are a man in this world..there are going to be times when you have to solve problems which are not always first nature to you. You are going to have to step out on the limb and take chances..real chances..not some make believe, pseudo, virtual experience with a safety net under you so that you get the happy ending.
One thing most men who have been here know...they know that when they have to do this for their monies..for their families...they will be alone ...no one is coming to help them. No one is coming to take the RISK away from them. No one is coming to "Flash dance" them or rescue them through this ordeal and drop the fruits right in front of them. They often find themselves solving the problem/problems alone..from the bottom to the end.
Most of the women and children do not have any interest in this process or how it is done. They just want the goodies brought to them for their discretionary use. They care not about the difficulties or RISKS. They just want it done.
This is also a definition of politics and the body politic. This is very telling to those who can see it. To be Flash Danced.
It is against this tide that so many men find themselves working. It is also why they often find themselves working for first fruits and winding up with second, third, or whatever is left.
They are often the last on the totem pole but first out there when risks are to be taken.
No one wants to see them or hear them..they just want it done.
I know this about many males today brought up mostly by women, televisions, movies, et al..because you usually find them in the comfort zone when the dangerous, hard ,and difficult work is to be done. They are usually where the comforts and goodies are to be found.
It takes a long time if ever to get such a male to pull their heads out and get a breath of fresh air. They are High Maintenance. They think themselves entitled.
This too is objectification of these men....even by their children.
I did not get that list of things other than money that men need to bring to the table otherwise a woman can get them on her own.
What is on this list of yours??
Also you stated here..
If you consider conditions, risk, yes,,,,I need a risk taker, all else can't hang ten.
Ok...no problem ..you need a risk taker. I can understand that.
What are you offering in return for this? What do you have in exchange for this in the marketplace..against the competition??
Fortunately for most women ...most males cannot seem to ask this question/questions...much less think it through. Oil shortage mentality blinding them..putting blinders on them.
Can you answer this question..or is this unconditional too??
You see?? Simple isn't it. To simple.
Or is a mans risk taking something to which a woman is entitled...deserving..unconditionally.
Not only her..but the children too.
I will translate this for you..she controls him here...so do the children. Unconditionally...while putting her conditions on it.
Not difficult when one can think outside the box.
How many RISKS outside of female socialization standards/beliefs are you going to take for your man??
Indeed you are correct in your description that my questions and conditions seem to be listlessly annoying. That is because I am describing what some would consider the holy of holies.
I am questioning a set of givens..both male and female here.
People tend not to want to be vulnerable in answering..especially something which some think should remain concealed..hidden..occult...by social constraints...customs.
I understand vulnerabilities and insecurities..Sandra. I also read Cosmo and take the quizzes.
Your reaction is textbook without answering the questions. No problem I merely make note of it.
I don't think much of what passes for the girl stuff religion out here. I also don't think much of what passes for the male stuff religion out here. I think they are both being conned and merchandised onto a false template.
I appreciate men who are willing to discuss things of this nature,
I find many men,(as well as women at times), hold back too much,on the more intimate personal feelings they have about issues, and the problems that life can throw at you , concerning so many areas of life.
We need to hear their voices...as friends, as daughters, as mothers, as lovers, especially as friends...
Most men are not actually able to discuss things of such a nature...or show their vulnerabilities. For many women when they do ..it is of insecurity and questions their ability to provide..the good provider..the risk taker. They tend not to be attracted to such an vulnerability. Men learn instinctively not to express such and keep it to themselves...especially when men know that women of equality will not be stepping out there where the risks are to be taken.
They are for all purposes ...alone...which is what I stated above to bionic.
Men actually get accustomed to this aloneness..because at times it is more ordered and peaceful than their home life. Understand now??? Pitiful isn't it??
The point here is what can a woman do to bring a man a ordered peaceful home life....one to which he is happy to come to and be safe from the chaos of the outside world..family/children or no children.
Is this asking to much..to much commitment from a woman?? You see??? Is it to difficult for today's woman?? A woman of savvy intellect...gnosis??
Or are there mostly Cosmo girls to be found out here??
Thanks to all for their posts,