bionic wrote:Collin Quinn, "Long Story, Short"
Saw it. Was great.
Also loving the MY Ultra pic.
Did a little research on that and wtf!? They actually did that!?
Apropriate pic for this board.
Q: What do you do if you see your ex, running around in your front yard covered in blood and screaming for help?
A: Stay calm...Reload...and try again.
Two women were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a conversation.
First woman says "How did you die?"
Second says "I froze to death".
First woman says "Must have been awful."
Second one says "How did you die?"
First woman says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was being unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed to the basement and nobody was hiding there, I rushed to the
attic and still no one, and after all that rushing around I had a heart attack and died."
Second woman says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive."
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator:
“My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
A man's wife was dying. He sat by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "There's something i must confess." "Shhh" the man said, "there's nothing to confess. Everything's alright." "No i must die in peace. I had sex with your brother, your best
friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," the man whispered "That's why i poisoned you, now close your eyes!!"
MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES
ATD: At the doctors
BFF: Best friend fell
BTW: Bring the wheelchair
BYOT: Bring your own teeth
FWIW: Forgot where I was
GGPBL: Gotta go, pacemaker battery low
GHA: Got heartburn again
IMHO: Is my hearing aid on
LMDO: Laughing my dentures out
OMMR: On my massage recliner
OMSG: Oh my! sorry, gas
ROFLACGU: Rolling on floor laughing and can't get up
TTYL: Talk to you louder
-Do you speak English?
-3 to 5 times a week.
-No, I mean..male/female?
-Yes, male,female and sometimes camels.
-Yes, cows, sheep...Animals in general.
-No, deer runs too fast.
There was a guy helping his wife out setting up a computer password and he typed "MYPENIS". His wife fell on the floor laughing because it said
"ERROR NOT LONG ENOUGH"!!
Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed. All polar bears are left-handed. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a polar bear.
From the movie Vampires Suck:
Becca: Your skin is pale white, you dress fashionably, and you obstain from sex. I know what you are.
Edward: Say it. Out load. Say it!
Becca: Jonas Brother!
Cop:"please step out of the car and walk on this strait line for me."
Cop:"you're so drunk you can't even walk."
Man:"i know, why do you think I'm driving."