The Black Vault

sandra wrote:Yeah just don't make it all your life
story. It doesn't deserve to be your
life story. At the end of the day,
you are suffering more than
you need to in which makes the others
around you suffer just the same.
Don't live the rest of your life in resentment,
no one should live that way, those things
should not be the things that take up
much space in our hearts and minds.
What has been done has been done,
if you stay and suffer it is your own
fault. Get over yourself and your husband
and let gods love count for something.
I would hope your life is not equal to your
husbands affair. At the end of the
day looking at the life of Christ,
to waste away your years with these
things in your heart is shameful, is filth.
Infiltrating the lives of others you accept
selfishness before the lord becoming
one in the same, a love affair.
What is the truth that you have not
found yourself out of this mess inside
of you? You want to live a life in Christ
I would hope you could see yourself
out of much more. Pick yourself back up.
Don't be a cheater.

I doubt anything here was unknown and whatever words are used, a promise was made and that promise is designed so that it is supposed to endure hardship. How would Christ feel about someone who breaks their promises when the squall hits? Is it ok to break the promise once the mate breaks the promise first? Christ was bound to serve God and what if when he started getting tortured he decided to no longer serve God? I'm sure He'd understand better than anyone the desire to lead a healthier life. Well I might have to do something even if it's not "ok". It's not that I don't think ethics apply to me but I, perhaps selfishly, am contemplating leaving it behind me so as to be genuinely happier.

Sandra,
I understand what you are getting at. I don't want to be one of those bitter men/women you see. Never getting over it.
And to be honest, if you had observed me a year or two back, you would see the tremendous progress I've made.
Also, I know that staying with my H or leaving him..this stuff would still be in me.
It's in me now, it's part of my histroy, my understanding of realtionships and who I am as a whole.
I mean, have you seen all the bitter ex wives out there? Leaving does not equal healing.

Also, you have only heard my side of it..not my H's. You also have not seen what I have put him through since discovery day and the fact that he's still here tells me how much he too..now..values our family.

I'm telling you, if you met him, you'd think he was just the greatest guy. And you'd see how attractive he is.
Everybody does. Men and women (this was/is part of the problem)

This is judgie and a broad sweep and unfair to men, but I think just about any man would cheat if continually being hit on. Women actually hit on him in front of me..so fathom what happens behind my back. That song "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life..you gotta marry you an ugly wife" comes to mind (only switch 'wife' to 'husband')

So in these ways I try have tried to be more understanding.
This is not an excuse, however for him (I mean, he works on himself..he works out, has tats, owns a Harley..he deliberately did/does this..to attract that kind of attention, I'm sure.so..)..I'd say he was in all out midlife crisis mode(which I do believe played it's role)..but he was always this way..You'd think he was a douch to look at..but then he turns out to be this great guy, too..it's unfair..he can be very charming (which has helped me to learn 'charming' does not equal 'good'..honeslty..before I learned of the extra curricular stuff..I thought I was the luckiest broad..should have known..too good to be true)
just letting you see..it's complicated.

at1,
Is this your ex, right? Is he the guy that stole her in the first place?
If so...hmm..
Seems if that's the case different rules apply.
If he is violent please be careful...this kind of stuff can land up in murder.
Also..(especially if she isn't your ex and she was in this relationship when you met her)and I hate to say this..but..there is a type of woman..one that tends to cheat on her mate and also cheat with other people's mates(no boundries)..she drives the man she is with nutso with this bs..he can get violent for it..part of her game to suck in new men is to play the "poor me" victim role to draw you in. "save me, hero"..then you save her..take her on..your with her..she starts getting bored..and the next thing you know she's doing it to you..you're going nutso, yelling, screaming, piunching walls...and she is running to her latest guy telling him how 'crazy and violent' you are and how she needs saving from you..and on it goes.

just be wary..in these cases..not saying this is what is going on ..realize you are only getting her side of the story.

the fact she is talking babies with you while still with him (or are they broke up and he's stalking her?)well..that's a huge red flag

bionic wrote:at1,
Is this your ex, right? Is he the guy that stole her in the first place?
If so...hmm..
Seems if that's the case different rules apply.

We separated a few times and she started seeing him while we were separated and I was the one who separated us. So that part is fairly innocuous. But when I tried to get back with her a few months down the road, she neglected to tell me that she was seeing him.

If he is violent please be careful...this kind of stuff can land up in murder.

Easily. I know he wants to kill both of us as he has leveled several threats to both of us and I know I want to punish him for hurting her (nights of torture) and whomever else he's hurt as he just keeps getting away with it as they don't report him. I don't want to sit around and wait for "god" to punish him. He's to this day trying to manipulate us, especially her.
I've used every trick in the book to restrain myself which I have. Well, for the most part.

Also..(especially if she isn't your ex and she was in this relationship when you met her)and I hate to say this..but..there is a type of woman..one that tends to cheat on her mate and also cheat with other people's mates(no boundries)..she drives the man she is with nutso with this bs..he can get violent for it..part of her game to suck in new men is to play the "poor me" victim role to draw you in. "save me, hero"..then you save her..take her on..your with her..she starts getting bored..and the next thing you know she's doing it to you..you're going nutso, yelling, screaming, piunching walls...and she is running to her latest guy telling him how 'crazy and violent' you are and how she needs saving from you..and on it goes.

Pretty much. Nothing really works in that situation because at the end of the day, I can't make her decisions for her, nor would I want to. What I want is a better outcome, to be happy, to be with someone who appreciates me and would never deliberately hurt me.

the fact she is talking babies with you while still with him (or are they broke up and he's stalking her?)well..that's a huge red flag

Who knows what's really going on with all the lies, but, yeah, it is a red flag.

well..I really wish you the best for you, either way.
For all of us, actually.
(including your gal/ex gal/future gal?, who seems to have taken on a revenge romance -
"I'll teach you, At1!!"-only for it to have gone horribly wrong.
A prayer of protection goes out to ya'll.
All of us, actually.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKGAdE6wwTM

I hope that if I don't stir up the hornet's nest then I should be fine. Hopefully he's not sitting there, planning our demise.