The Black Vault

Lying to one's chosen mate (and kids?) about..well..just about everything.
Cheating leads to a life of lies..that's the act of a douchebag..no matter how they might want to frame it to make themselves feel okay with it.

I truly believe most cheating is caused by boredom..low self esteem..a need for ego stroking and fantasy..and irresponsibility..immaturity and selfishness. (regardless of how 'in love' they think they are at the moment..this is the person that was once 'in love' with their chosen mate, mind you...so much for their 'love'..people mistake attraction..inrigue..lust for love all the time..it is what it is..later they realize what it is..after the needless pain they caused all they truy loved ..including themselves)

I'm not saying that is how a cheater is always, or always was, or always will be..people are human. They trip, they fall, they stumble, and if sincere in trying to 'get back up' are worthy of forgiveness and maybe even another chance.

But while cheating...the person is a total douchebag..male or female..and deep down they know it.

They certainly know it later..when the hormones have settled a bit and they can look back on it all and see it for what it really was. (whether they landed up with the person they cheated with or not..usually not..fyi)

You must understand..I am talking about people who had origionally chosen a mate they loved ..felt compatible with..made a commitment to..etc...a relationship that is not, has not becoem abusive, etc..

Though, I would say even if in an abusive relationship..one should get out before they start another romance.

Plus cheaters start to really fantasize about the side relationship making it what it's not..and demonizing the crap out of their actual mate..it's deflection, rationalization, projection..these dynamics come into play and really make a cheater become unstable...it's only later on..with a clearer head..after the wreck..that they realize just what they had allow themself to sink to..usually way too late. behavior.

Infidelity is exactly what it has always been warned to be..self destructive and geniunely destructive, selfish behavior..(even if it's now common because of our selfish, immature, fantasy driven,need for immediate gratification..irresponsible society..these days)

I'm very tempted to be inclined to think all cheaters are douchebags, indeed. There are exceptions but if the relationship doesn't end before going much further in the 2nd relationship then, yeah, the cheater is pretty much one. Situations where someone falls in love with two people; not talking about matters of hormones/infatuation, that's different of course.

I'm not talking about being in love.

I believe a person can be in love with (or realize they could fall inlove with)someone outside their marriage or, in love with someone they know is married. (or has made it clear they are in a long term chosen, trusting mongomous relationship)

I'm talking about deliberately pursuing that love. I especially dislike people who go out of theiur waqy pursue married people. It's so fricken selfish and goes on ALL the time. If you really loved a person, you would not want to bring that kind of grief into their life or the life or the ones they love (like their kids)

This is why I kjow it's NOT really about love.

It's about ego stroking, hormones, and fantasy.

A geniune friend..who might love you..would not do that to you.

A selfish person..however..who only thinks of themself, they'd pursue.

It all, to me, is an act of selfishness and cruelty not worthy of any geniune kind of love.

It, to me, nulifies geniune love..because it is, by it's very nature it's SUCH an unloving thing to do.

We make our choices in life and we must be responsible enough to live with them.

Look at all the people who go through marriage, after marriage, after marriage. Destroying so many in their path as they go (especially if these marriages produce kids)

It's so fricken juvenile and selfish to me.

To me, when you see someone who is on their second marriage..well into i (past the hormones and the romance)t..and you can tell they are IN IT this time..I believe it's because they have finally gotten it (regardless if that marriage spawned from an affair or came about after an affair destroyed their first marriage)

They realize their issue was not their former mate..it was the dynamics of marriage itself.

Of long term realtionships.

I believe if a person realizes they can't do that..be in one..then they need to have the maturity to warn off potentiallong term mates and let them know thye are not capable of longterm commitment.

Cheating is that hurtful and only someone who has been the victim of it can truly understand that.

it's shocking how painful it is, because it's really not commonly realized by society.

In fact..cheating is glamourized and made to seem romantic.

it is the opposite.

in fact, I believe it is a form of abuse..no less damaging than continual verbal or physical abuse is.

I have strong feelings about all this, still, as you can see

Any sort of overlapping relationships is hurtful to two or all of the people involved (depending on whether the third person knows about it). Very god damned hurtful. I've seen it.

Some people are inclined to think nothing should stand in the way of love, even if the object of love also loves someone else.

Once it's there it doesn't go away easily or even at all. Therein lies the problem.

Indeed.

Though, I am compelled to add something akin to..
Must we eat every cake that we desire?
I think modern society has become really undisciplined in this way.
Everybody wants to be Bart Simpson.
He has his role...
BUT...

Want, in life, is what drives us (not just romantic want, mind you,this applies in many directions)
Most great art, amazing inventions came about because of want..the reaching
It's part of what drives us as a species.

I am pragmatic. I believe romantic love...it is transitory..geniune love and connection comes with a real, long standing relationship.

It's easy to love the good parts of anyone. And that is what we show and see in romance. it's after the romance part has passed. When we begin to see the warts and still love and accept someone, that's when geniune love begins.

Many people mistak e, the reach, the want, the desire..for love. Not realzing what they really want is the reach..they are wallowing in the yearning. It's instinctual. It is in our programming.

The hunt.

There is immature love..whchc is more related to infatuation/romance/fantasy/white washing a person..then there is mature love..the kind that takes off the rose colored glasses when looking at someone (and self) and really getting to the nitty gritty of the love dynamic.


If people continually follow the whim of romance..driven by an instinct..a geniune human instinct...they never get the chance to learn what geniune connection..geniune love is really all about.

It's giving into one's reptillian brain..we have a higher brain that we are meant to use.

plus and another angle to this is there are truly demons in this world (you know that) demonic energies..and demons don;t usually come at you screaming , "I am a demonic energy and I am here to wreck your life for my amusement!"
No..they seduce (whether these demons are internal, external, an actual person..or demonic energies forming to manipulate)
They use our drives..our desires..our ability to rationalize and justify, even the most cruel or selfish acts..and some how make them work for us..our heads get foggy

This is when having an internal moral comnpass can protect a person.

In a way..all that old fashioned hellfire and brimstone stuff is true

it simplifies things that or more complex..but then again..maybe it doesn't..maybe it's just that simple

your "mysterious stranger" video comes to mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mFPpMcOBwc

so does this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C0RmRGTePw

It can be really fricken complicated and really simple as well, depending on the situation. A lot of the time douche baggery is involved...at least in the simple situations. But when the people are in a true unconditional love type triangle is when it's tougher..not that I've had a lot of personal experience in the matter.

walk the walk..beyond talking the talk

that seems to me to be the other message of the song..that most people who believe they follow Christ...his teachings...don't, so much

They are to busy looking at the finger to see the moon it points toward (in a way..many modern Chrisitans have turned poor ol Jesus into 'Golden Calf' which is actually blasphemy)

The song seems to be trying to point out how easy it is to be "Christian" when things are going good...not so much when one is suffering a-lot, maybe even falling a-lot..that's the true test

that's my take on it, at least

How many matches made in heaven are out there?
How many people are united in Christ that their marriage should
last a lifetime in a lie. You are being a hypocrite. Fearful.
You think everyone in the world is united in Christ and
their marriage should be honored at all costs.
Oh Lord, Fog you have been in, fog you will try
to remain in.

"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."

Go ahead, talk the talk,

This is why I kjow it's NOT really about love.

Has your marriage been about love?
Has it been about God?
That is how I know its not really about Love.
But whatever we should do, we should
remain in it. Correct?

Do you watch House?

Yesterday's episode...

Married couple. The woman has an "internet friend" or special friend. The man knows about it and sort of confronted her about it. He asked, "are you in love with him," which she nicely evaded by not answering with a yes/no but with "I haven't met him."

Then the woman makes tons of advances for the next week and they have lots of sex.

Awkward, huh?

Then the man suddenly turns to her and says he wants a divorce. She wondered if it was because of her internet paramour and then he asked "are you happy."

She said no and agreed to a divorce.

Divorces suck. I did one that was very amicable as they go and luckily we had no kids. I almost killed myself over it.

There are lots of "romantic" films involving cheating like English Patient, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, and Lost in Translation prolly a lot more.

Here's the rub.

A promise is typically made for better/worse etc., till death do you part. A promise far too many take quite lightly.

It's tragic when honor or a lie is the basis of a marriage instead of love, especially when there is, at the risk of being a "douchebag," another love there.