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Postby sandra » Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:53 am

Oh gosh what is that about, what in the world
had you thinking about all that now, sheesh! :lol: :lol: :lol:
“Living backwards!” Alice repeated in great
astonishment. “I never heard of such a thing!”
“—but there’s one great advantage in it, that one’s
memory works both ways.”
— Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass
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Postby at1with0 » Thu Oct 07, 2010 10:03 am

I just remember a long time ago a "non-joke" thread somewhere and I saw that and for some reason I remember it despite my usually-bad memory.
"it is easy to grow crazy"
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Postby The_Joker » Thu Oct 14, 2010 5:53 am

Here is your joke for the week.

A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die and go to heaven.

When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who then says, "Sorry, heaven's crowding up, so you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in."

He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?" "Oh, that's easy," the teacher replied, "the Titanic." So St. Peter let her into heaven.

Next he turned to the petty thief. "How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asked. "Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and it was 1, 500." St. Peter stepped away and the thief walked into heaven.

Finally, St. Peter turned to the lawyer. He simply said to him: "Name them."
Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...
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Postby The_Joker » Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:17 am

This weeks Joke:

Why Lawyers are a doctors favorite Patient

Two new surgeons at the hospital were discussing the qualities of their favorite patients. "I like contractors myself" says one. "They don't even flinch when I tell them I underestimated the cost and length of surgery."

"Well, I had an electrician yesterday" another says. "It was beautiful everything inside well marked and color coded!'

An older surgeon passing by heard them, and cut in. "You fellas ain't seen nothing yet" he tells them "By far the best patients are lawyers- they have no heart, no spine, little guts, and the head and butt are fully interchangeable!"
Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...
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Posts: 695
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:22 pm

Postby The_Joker » Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:09 pm

A blind man walks into a bar ( Yes I see the Joke but I'll continue anyway) and sits down and orders a drink. when the woman behind the bar serves him he said "I heard a really good blond Joke the other day, do mind if I tell everyone?"

The woman says "Well I am blond, the woman sitting to you left is blond and so is the woman to your right, and the two girls behind you playing pool are blond and there are a few other women in here who are blond, so I would think long and hard about telling that joke if I were you"

After a long pause he says "Oh .. I guess you are right, I won't tell it, I don't have the time to explain it over that many times"
Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...
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Posts: 695
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:22 pm

Postby chiselray » Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:20 am

The_Joker wrote:Here is your joke for the week.

A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die and go to heaven.

When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who then says, "Sorry, heaven's crowding up, so you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in."

He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?" "Oh, that's easy," the teacher replied, "the Titanic." So St. Peter let her into heaven.

Next he turned to the petty thief. "How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asked. "Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and it was 1, 500." St. Peter stepped away and the thief walked into heaven.

Finally, St. Peter turned to the lawyer. He simply said to him: "Name them."



:lol: :lol: :lol: ...oh but when we need a lawyer we love them..
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Postby The_Joker » Fri Dec 10, 2010 1:40 am

... And now from my politically INCORRECT but funny department ...

A woman goes to the doctor all battered and bruised and the doctor asks her what happened to her.

She tells him that for the last 2 weeks her husband has been coming home angry and upset from work and when she tried to talk to him he beats her. "What can I do doctor?", she asks.

He ponders for a moment and tells her to make a very sweet tea with honey in it just before her husband is due to come home and as he walks in the door to take a big sip of the tea and swirl it around until he went to bed and fell asleep.

She leaves his office and does what the doctor told her.

When she cam back 2 weeks later she when she went to the doctor there was not a mark on her and she was smiling and happy.

"Doctor, that tea really worked .. it is amazing", she said.

"Not really, It is amazing what can happen if you keep your big mouth shut", replies the doctor.
Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...
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The_Joker
 
Posts: 695
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:22 pm

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