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Is Sex Addiction Real?

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Postby sheye » Wed Apr 14, 2010 3:21 pm

I was clumsily saying that an older man who has remained vital can really help a young woman to discover who she is and what she is - by how he makes her feel. In a way, men always find out for themselves how to orgasm - but women need to be shown - and once they've been shown, there's the next level ... and then the next ... and there's more! (Have you figured that out, Sandra)? - So when/if the lady finds a new love then after some brief experience she can know if he is worth sticking with based on what she's learnt from an older man. I mean that an inexperienced lady won't necessarily know if her guy is good for her or if he is just using her as a sperm bag.



pffft ...news flash mael..women don't NEED to be "shown" how to have orgasms...we can figure it out all alone on our own..at a very young age...oiy !!!...hope you don't think you have to show your daughter how to have one...


trust me..she'll figure it out on her own..just warn her about the different types of men out there....thats always a good start.... ;)
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Postby sandra » Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:52 am

mael wrote:* I was thinking about some of what you have written - Yes, I often doubt people understand me so when someone responds to me how I might respond I'll sometimes take it the wrong way. Sorry if I've done that! It is frustrating when I feel I have been misunderstood.


Yeah I know what its like to be misunderstood, and I am not one who doesn't appreciate intuitive thinking.
Whether right or wrong at times, its more the path to take.


And you said words to the effect of my implying an older man would 'educate' you - as if to say you were behind him in all, many or most ways. That's not what I intended to convey.

- I meant the 'education' part to be mostly centred on sex, and the emotions which go along with it. - I know well that ladies around twenty years younger than I are more adept at many things that confuse me. And no matter how old the younger woman is, she's always got something the older man can learn from her which is important - and I mean that in a way connected with emotions/love more than sexual methods and mindsets.


I guess older, younger, same age, most people get into ruts, I'm someone that is always changing and expressing myself differently in all areas of my life, I don't stay in a rut. Relationships just don't work or are not pleasing when you are always listening to your own station, you need someone who can tune in, or change the station, along with you. Otherwise you're stuck listening to the same station the entirety, ok enough with that analogy. However there are younger women out there that could surely teach an older man things about emotions/love just the same as the rest sexually etc. Although I think most people look for someone they can learn together with, and while women can seem much more imaginative of Love, Men can be very imaginative of what they believe as Truth. I've noticed older men can be very set in their ways, that is good as well as bad. Need an open mind.

I was clumsily saying that an older man who has remained vital can really help a young woman to discover who she is and what she is - by how he makes her feel. In a way, men always find out for themselves how to orgasm - but women need to be shown - and once they've been shown, there's the next level ... and then the next ... and there's more! (Have you figured that out, Sandra)? :D - So when/if the lady finds a new love then after some brief experience she can know if he is worth sticking with based on what she's learnt from an older man. I mean that an inexperienced lady won't necessarily know if her guy is good for her or if he is just using her as a sperm bag.


Oh goodness mael. I've figured out a few things. I have not met a man that is more aware of me than I am of my own life and expression whether emotionally, spiritually, sexually, or any other way. Which is actually frustrating at times, but it is what it is. Not all older men are capabe of teaching a younger woman things of any nature. Just as one can have more actual physical experiences, yet still be not as able to connect. And those last two words you used was an awful phrase.
“Living backwards!” Alice repeated in great
astonishment. “I never heard of such a thing!”
“—but there’s one great advantage in it, that one’s
memory works both ways.”
— Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass
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Postby mael » Thu Apr 15, 2010 3:19 pm

And those last two words you used was an awful phrase.

* Agreed. :|
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Postby sandra » Thu Apr 15, 2010 5:38 pm

mael wrote:And those last two words you used was an awful phrase.

* Agreed. :|


:shock:

8-)

And in Pink, My favorite Color. lol
“Living backwards!” Alice repeated in great
astonishment. “I never heard of such a thing!”
“—but there’s one great advantage in it, that one’s
memory works both ways.”
— Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass
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Postby bionic » Fri Apr 16, 2010 11:08 am

Mael I found you a theme song.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxqhiInZtvs
:lol:
8-)


on a sorta sad note..when I heard this song on the radio in my car, yesterday, the first guy who came to mind was my own husband..grrr
:evil:
:roll:
Willie Wonka quotes..
What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse?
Why? Are you having fun?
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams
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Postby sheye » Fri Apr 16, 2010 2:50 pm

Mael I found you a theme song.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxqhiInZtvs




on a sorta sad note..when I heard this song on the radio in my car, yesterday, the first guy who came to mind was my own husband..grrr



Just curious....if you can';t truly forgive him bionic..why are you still with him..just to punish him?

just wondering?..is it a cash thing??

curious..I would have walked away..and said I won't talk about you behind your back while we're still married...I'l just do it after we done..


can't think of anything worse than to be married to someone who can't forgive past trangressions...and would hold against me for the rest of my life...would make me want to go cheat again..then i might just call it ...finished...for the sake of both parties...

just curious???
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Postby bionic » Fri Apr 16, 2010 10:39 pm

I'm still with him because I DO love him, and I love my family and I love my son.
I am trying very hard to forgive him. Some would say he has done the unforgivable, but I am tuly trying. I might not be able to make it. In that case, I will probably leave him. I will have no choice..for my sanity.


In some ways I do forgive him. Mostly I forgive him. But that doesn't mean I don't see him for what it he really is now.

A person can see a devil..know it to be a devil and still love that devil..loving them hoenslty..for what you know them to be and not what you wish they were or thought they were..or maybe they preteneded they were to you.

people are human..light and dark..You can't truly love someone if you only love them when they are playing 'nice'

No human is going to pass the 'perfect test'

listen..
My H is a great guy. If I had not found out about his secret life, I would have thought I was very lucky in the mate department (such is the power of denial)
I really had no clue as to the truth.

In the book and movie "Heartburn". The main character, when asked "How could a woman not know?" she answers, "It's a distant bell, slowly getting closer. You hear it ringing in the distance..but yiou don;t hear it..but slowly it gets louder until you are fully aware of it"
it's really like that..unless you have been under it's spell and then one day realized it..you don't know the power of denial. I use to be one fo those people that would arrogantly say, "How could she not know..she had to have known" ugh :roll:

Most women will try very hard to forgive first discovered adultery (I have heard men are more apt to walk if they find their woman cheatign..but am not sure if that is true since I have met several men who are trying to make it work with their caught cheating, wives)..it's the second or third time they 'catch the theif' that gets them walking.

I am still reeling on first discovery..and promises of change..with some obvious follow through.
Everyone deserves a second chance.

But the trust is severly damaged and like they say "Once a cheater..." rings in my head.

So I see suspicious behavior where it may or may not be.

I have PTSD over the whole thing. As time goes by my rages over the whole thing have subsided..it went from the whole first year after fidnign out being in shock..being in a blur..the second year not much better..the third year some real healign starts. This year way better with occasional slip (every fours months or so) Plus all the triggers in the media..seems discovered affairs are all the rage these days. (my psychic self was told "goddess is over this and this issue will be forced into the open to be healed by society" about a year ago..but my healthier mind sees that as the self serving delusion it most probably is..though i do get correct psychic insights into some thingss and it had that 'feel')

Time is healing me.

It gets easier over time. As he proves himself more...as new memories fill the space between now and horrible then. As he see's the real damge it caused me and how I am trying to forgive. AS we share our stories with others in private and realize most people have a similar stroy. It's common.

For me it's been a little over four years since 'discovery' and anyone tha tknows about this kind of thing says it takes on the average 2 to 5 years for a marriage that makes it through it all..to get back on track.

Most marriages, upon discovery..try to hang on, but don't make it.

I say "upon discovery' because statistically most marriages have infidelity occur within them. The chances rise the longer the marriage.

I have to wonder if unnofficially all long term marriages go through soemthing similar at some point..and many more make it than is offcially known.

I've been married since 1987. Even if we don't make it, we had a good run by today's standards.

also..the stuff I post here is me venting..just because I am saying my feelings here doesn't mean I am with him just to punish him...My man and my family have been my whole life..my entire adult life. I gave up a-lot..I invested a-lot in him and our family because I love them. That kind of investment is not..should not be taken lightely and given up on easily. This is something he came to realize almost too late..and maybe too late if I can't get over it.

Most people learn this lesson too late..they take their lives and their loves for granted and ruin it all and secretly regret it all for the rest of their lives.

Truly, I think both my H and I might have walked away at this pint..not because we don;t love each other..but because the fallout is just too painful to deal with..BUT we both love our child..and for him alone..we will both hold on as long as we can..I know that for sure

Our son has Autism and the truth is..the stress of having an Autistic child means that 80% of the marriages that contain one end up in divorce.

What does this have to do with sex addiction you ask?
My H was dx'd with cancer and our son was dx'd as an autistic child within a week.(I think it sent him into a midlife crisis)
He lost a testicle to the cancer...then found a doctor that would legaly prescribe him steriods. He was secretly hourding them. he is a body builder. On these steriods it was obvious he was becoming a sex addict.

I believe my H probably always cheated on me on and off throughout the years, but in a small way. I think on the steriods he hourded he developed a serious sex addiction and it sent his cheating into overdrive. He got sloppy.and out of control That's why i finally caught on and caught him.

His sex addiction lead to the damage I described.
Willie Wonka quotes..
What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse?
Why? Are you having fun?
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams
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Postby sheye » Sat Apr 17, 2010 9:40 am

I'm still with him because I DO love him, and I love my family and I love my son.
I am trying very hard to forgive him. Some would say he has done the unforgivable, but I am tuly trying. I might not be able to make it. In that case, I will probably leave him. I will have no choice..for my sanity.


his sexual addiction lead to this....you not be able to forgive him...


so you continue to trash him...to others....

let everyone know what a dog your hubby is....BUT..you still love him

doesn't sound like love at all Bionic...and quite frankly..if you can't really forgive him...you don't really love him...

you're just using him..to support you and your children..while you..continue to let everyone know what a sic bastard he is....


WTF is wrong with this picture....

hunny...gotta tell you..hes gonna scew around again..cause he is looking for "real" love as well..and you aren't giving it to him..keeping him in that "you're a sexual addict " role....and I'm so hard done by


LOVE HIM Or leave him...is what I would say....

but then again obviously I deal with things differently then you...

oh by the way..say hi to the sic pervert you are married to...

tell him we know all about him online...that should endear you to him..a lil closer...right?


(shakes head)..


bye now
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Postby bionic » Sat Apr 17, 2010 10:08 am

He already knows what I say here..just like he knows I know that most of his friends, everyone he works with..his whole family knew that he was cheatign on me.

If I am to deal with that, he can deal with this.

Love is a complex thing..geniune relationships are complex ...maybe you don't understand these things, really
Willie Wonka quotes..
What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse?
Why? Are you having fun?
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams
User avatar
bionic
 
Posts: 9884
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:54 am

Postby sheye » Sat Apr 17, 2010 10:23 am

He already knows what I say here..just like he knows I know that most of his friends, everyone he works with..his whole family knew that he was cheatign on me.

If I am to deal with that, he can deal with this.

Love is a complex thing..geniune relationships are complex ...maybe you don't understand these things, really



hmmm..perhaps I understand more than you may realize?

I just want you to have a wonderful romantic relationship with a guy that wants to have that with you as well Bionic..

I see no chance in hell of that happening in the current one you are in..

why don't you do both of you a favour.

and start fresh...

cause you're marraige is looking like way too many I've seen...and guess what...it won't get better..

till you two actually talk it through..truly forgive and move on .."with fresh attitude"....or let it die gracefully..and let both of you move onto..someone who will actually LOVE you...totally.....this will not be any sort of "healthy marraige"

I know I would n't want to be in a marraige where my spouse is calling me down at every turn..and all the people I work with..just want to make me feel like a cheater..and the worst scum on earth...

fck..I'd prolly hightail it out there..and start fresh somewhere else..

But the FACT of the matter is..way more men would do that..if it weren't for the finances getting all tangled up..and totally destroying their chance for a "new start"

same with women.....too many women stay for the "financial" security"..which will neva replace "real love"..

(sighs).....its a pretty sad situation out there in the marriage department...for both guys and gals...(even the guy with guy/girl with girl marraiges go through the same sort of problems)

communication and honesty...is key....and for myself personally I have come to realize...that I absolutely need to RESPECT the man I would marry...in very many wayz

(respect doesn't mean hes perfect...just that I truly admire him..and want to support him in every way possible.....and I'm not talking about financially..though I would do that in a heartbeat....if the situation called for it.)
sheye
 
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