The Black Vault

adamwarlock2099 wrote:

wolfshadow wrote:But can you really have love with no trust?I would think that the betrayal of trust would be the death of love.No matter how much you may love that person you would always have that in the back of your mind.

Some people have a masochist kind of love. They live only for their spouse thinking that only their happiness is important and that their own is irrelevant.

Then there may be some people that actually believe that it may be a one time thing and want to give their spouse a second chance, as Wing-Zero said because they really do believe in the power of love.

There are also those that don't have enough self esteem to stand up for themselves and not take that crap.

I would probably fall into the first category. But obviously I don't know for sure how I would react until faced with that situation.

Third category:

The open one. The one that you are in and the one that I’m going to be in.

That sounds like weak will power to me. Kinda like the girls who stay with guys who beat the s**t out of them on a daily basis. Not in the good, slightly sexy way either but like, the throwing of dishes and sharp kitchen utensils while crying your eyes out.

it is..I'm not claiming it's healthy..or I am healthy..in my mind..(I am who I am)
and just saying it, explaining it for what it is...

I'm NOT recomending it..in fact..I'm warning against it

plus...there are other life circumstances at play, here
(we have a disabled young child..which probably played a role in the cheating/escapism in the first place..it does play a role in me staying..for sure)
most marriages with a disabled child..don't make it..there's like an eighty percent divorce rate

sad..right?
a great shame

various variables

I'm working through it..in part..here

haven't yet decided ultimately..how I will handle it in the long run

time will tell

hey..look to your parents (people representations of a commited relationship in YOUR life)..
How did it go with them..how is it going..together...or divorced..
Happy are they? (in eithe rcircumstance)

Did divorce make it all better fro them..if they got divorced..did staying together..if they stayed together

don't fool yoruself into thinking no cheating went on or goes on with them..somewhere

that'd be RARE..is your family SO Rare?

doubt it

we all think we are the rarity..until we find out we're not

hey..look to your parents (people representations of a commited relationship in YOUR life)..
How did it go with them..how is it going..together...or divorced..
Happy are they? (in eithe rcircumstance)

Very well. Witch is annoying for me considering the mountain of debt my mother got them into.

don't fool yourself into thinking no cheating went on or goes on with them

Rather horrible conversation the other day. It was basically along the lines of who my dad worked with and what some of them girls would do.
Being stuck in a car hearing how your father worked with criminals (that would have the mob look tame, trust me) that were also pimps and what some of the girls would do for the drivers. I would have enjoyed it a lot more if it wasn’t my father telling me about it.





Edit: It was graphic as well.

And given the girl he is talking to at the moment. God kill me now.

which probably played a role in the cheating/escapism in the first place

If that's true love then he's a twat. Do you want me to sort him out when I sort little ones husband out? Two for the price of one and all.

Honour and pride should have stopped him if that was the case. People think I’m old fashioned but I them two things play a huge part in what I do 99% of the time.

Lash..
There's a chance your mom spent so much money because on some level she felt your dad was cheating on her and it was her pay back.

A-LOT of women do that.
(people mak elight of the heartbreak that comes with discovery of being cheated on..until they have been through it themselves and realize just HOW BAD it hurts)

I look back now at long term marriages I witnessed in my life..the underlying tension that was often there..and now see that infidelity most probably caused that in most cases.

It then becomes a chicken or the egg kind of thing..

Which came first..the unhappiness or the cheating?
People assume the unhappiness..but I have studied this crap a-lot and that is not true.
Cheating, it turns out, has more to do with oppurtunity, one's personal compass, and sense of entitlement, than anything else.
Whether happy or unhappy in a marriage.
Basically your more selfish types..they chose to cheat.

I'm guessing before the SERIOUS unhappiness kicked in..in most cases..it was the cheating..regular unhappiness..mild unhappiness..average life unhappiness..that we all have..often enough..mate (scapegoat) or not...along with boredom and taking one's family for granted..THAT...leads to the cheating... and the rationalizing for the cheating..and the demonizingof one's spouse to excuse the cheating..and the "we are soulmates" lies one tells oneselve to rationalize the cheating...and then the REAL..the seriously destructive unhappiness in the marriage kicks in.

Not in all cases...but most

it's a working theory...in progress

Bionic thank-you for the insight and for answering my question I know you've been through alot(from what I've read).

She spent money because she has the self-control of a small gnat. Her first working year she was in big debt; she works for a bank and they have to do something I don’t know I don’t follow it to be honest, basically the company knew that she was in debt because of the bank account they gave her, and she’s in big debt now. It was a long time ago so things like that have changed now.


You sell a house, you get a £30,000 profit so how on earth do you spent all that and then most of your wage? That was £30,000 before they paid off the mortgage and all the bits and bobs but even so. If someone can tell me how she did that please let me know. She doesn’t know either.

wolfshadow wrote:Bionic thank-you for the insight and for answering my question I know you've been through alot(from what I've read).

You trying to come onto her? She's mine get off!


This is going to be fun at the BV picnic isn’t it? Apart from chasing every woman on the board, sorting a few of the members out, scaring Saturos, keeping people away from my main girls (Panda, Bionic, Angel and a few others who I’ve forgotten), I’ll now have to sort a few husbands out, mainly your husband love, (don’t hurt my friends it’s never a good idea).

I'm looking forward to this.



Edit: Panda's sister as well. Add her to the list.

Bionic you bring the...well whatever we need for a fivesome.





Hopefully that brought a smile to your face. That was the main goal. I’m incredibly nice at heart.

Lash you crack me up

So you have a harem do you? Boy oh boy just think of those alimony payments

It wasn't meant to make you laugh, it was meant to make her laugh.


Yes I do, that's why I've been learning from Mael, I just don't rember who's in it most of the time. Panda, Bionic, Angel and Panda's sister are the main ones i can't rember the rest.

Boy oh boy just think of those alimony payments

Hence why you don’t marry them all, just the main ones.


I'm starting on Bionic then it will be angel then the hardest of them all, Panda and her sister.


You love them so you have to look after them, that what I say.