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Postby bionic » Sat Jun 01, 2013 11:28 pm

Willie Wonka quotes..
What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse?
Why? Are you having fun?
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams
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Postby adamwarlock2099 » Sat Sep 07, 2013 4:52 pm

Image
"To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems." -- Homer Simpson
"You get what everyone gets. You get a lifetime." -- Death (Sandman)
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Postby Lightwolf » Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:31 am

Guy goes to see his Doctor for a consultation

Walks into the doctors office and sits down

several minutes pass while the Doctor, sitting at his desk, looks through the medical reports

Doctor suddenly looks up and says

"You're going to have to stop masturbating"

"Why?" says the Guy

"Because it's distracting me!" :roll:



Lightwolf
When I die...I want to go peacefully in my sleep...like my Grandfather did...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
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Postby Lightwolf » Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:54 am

Here's an old one...posted it a few years ago... re-posting for your enjoyment,


The Cuckoo Clock

The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys.

I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed too quickly and the beers went down way too easy and
by 3am, feeling more than a little tipsy, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times!

I immediately realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, "Midnight!" I said proudly! She didn't seem disturbed at all.
"Whew! Got away with that one!" I thought...

Then she told me we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh sh*t!" cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more then then tripped over the coffee table and farted."


So much for quick solutions




Not saying this was me....but then again...memory fades with time :lol:




Lightwolf
When I die...I want to go peacefully in my sleep...like my Grandfather did...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
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Postby Rondetto » Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:28 pm

Mrs. Jones, deeply troubled, was consulting
a psychiatrist.

"My husband," she said, "is convinced he's a
chicken. He goes around squawking constantly
and sleeps on a large bar of wood he has fixed
up as a perch."

"I see," said the psychiatrist thoughtfully. "And
how long has your husband been suffering from
this fixation?"

"For nearly two years now."

The psychiatrist frowned slightly and said, "But
why have you waited till now to seek help?"

Mrs. Jones blushed and said, "Oh, well -to be honest, we needed the eggs."
:lol:
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Postby Rondetto » Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:29 pm

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
:lol:
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Postby bionic » Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:22 pm

Willie Wonka quotes..
What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse?
Why? Are you having fun?
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams
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bionic
 
Posts: 9884
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:54 am

Postby bionic » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:26 pm

Cool ass suoer shredder or terrifying super, killer vagina..you decide..lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae964HT1dnw
Willie Wonka quotes..
What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse?
Why? Are you having fun?
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams
User avatar
bionic
 
Posts: 9884
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:54 am

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