The Black Vault

Billy..
God bless your friend and his family. I am so sorry for your loss.
You now have another gaurdian angel looking out for you.

letter to a friend whom had lost a loved one...

dear------, I seek not to recompense you w/ sympathy for your recent loss.
but on the contrary, I ask you to suffer. suffer greatly the loss of your friend.

suffer to the point of cursing fate. suffer grief till it unbalances you, and tears
fall like rain in a thunderstorm. suffer and beat your chest like a wild beast in the jungle.

suffer and do it well. your beloved friend deserves no less, than the fury that often follows the pomp and ceramony of our innermost feelings, from the impromptu play life happens on us all when we least expect it.

only now...the fading memory of a man burns forever in your heart, had you not suffered. be at peace.

One reason I was so upset over my friend's death was, he spent all day with me, just as always, went home, went out into his front yard, put a pistol in his mouth, and killed himself, 5 minutes after leaving my house. There were no signs of this pending action. If I had detected anything, maybe I could have helped him. He was
well off financially, and gave no outward signs. Can't get it off of my mind.

_Billy_ wrote:One reason I was so upset over my friend's death was, he spent all day with me, just as always, went home, went out into his front yard, put a pistol in his mouth, and killed himself, 5 minutes after leaving my house. There were no signs of this pending action. If I had detected anything, maybe I could have helped him. He was
well off financially, and gave no outward signs. Can't get it off of my mind.

listen it will come to pass. the memory is designed to diminish , sectionalize,
and partition . otherwise we wouldnt have any . time heals. these things don't always have indicators . There was nothing you could do. [ I've lived and seen
tragic events and life doesn't always come with a sign that says "I'm fucked"
although mine should have.- ] you survived - and it's a good sign that your talking about your concerns and recognize them. hang in there.

Holy hell Billy, please accept my deepest sympathies. I wish we new why these things happen so as to better prevent them in the future. I don't know just seems so useless in the end, not to mention so very sad.

I'll keep good thoughts for you Sir...................I know all too well what it's like to lose a very close friend..

Best..

Cole

_Billy_ wrote:One reason I was so upset over my friend's death was, he spent all day with me, just as always, went home, went out into his front yard, put a pistol in his mouth, and killed himself, 5 minutes after leaving my house. There were no signs of this pending action. If I had detected anything, maybe I could have helped him. He was
well off financially, and gave no outward signs. Can't get it off of my mind.

Oh Billy, I am so sorry.
He had already made his decision and worked very hard to mask it, as he did not want you to talk him out of it. Feel honored that he chose to spend his last day with his best friend.
He deliberately chose to cherish his last moments in this world, with you.

Thank you all of my BV family.

Wow! Billy I can't tell you how sorry I am about your friend, his family, and for you. That is something that would weigh on anyones mind for the rest of their lives, but you have to tell youself, there was nothing you could have done. I'm sure future days may reviel what was troubling your friend about his life. Something is going to surface, or become apparent, from friends or family members. All you can think is he loved you enough as a friend, to spend his last hours with you. I know you are going to take this hard for a long time, but don't punish yourself, it is not your fault. Take care of yourself, talk to your others friends and buddies about him. My sincere condolences.