The Black Vault

apparently I have offended enough souls in this forum,to warrent the need for an arrest..(shakes head)..I meant a sweet kiss off..as in goodbye its been nice knowing you
but you can't stay (sighs)
I will miss my little battle thread in that forum..but ..oh well (sighs)
all good things must come to an end.

the head of the council has not yet made the final decision
so I must await his assesment of my conduct and behavior
and will respect his decision in whatever choice he sees fit to administer

I will respect all decsions made by the administrator as to be the FINAL
one
to be made concerning this matter

should that so happen, to be before, I get a chance, to bid you all farewell
I would wish to take that opportunity now
as, it is, very important to me, to have, some parting words
(every once in a while I like to try and sound like obama, it makes me feel spaaacial ),but you must read all those liitle breaks in sound time,not reading time(I bet wing will understand this after he has a few more drinks..hopin)
(quit reading now if this is getting boring,cause it will only get worse)


I just want to say (starts choking up)
That it has been a pleasure ,and a pain, wandering the interior walls of the black vault, but none the less very enightening
unto myself
(you can quit reading now if you want..cause it will only get worse)

I would just like to say that I have learned to love you all despite the fact that I really don't know any of you, but perhaps some day our paths will cross, at some points, in the seconds, of time ,in some other dimension
(hopefully not the 5th ,cause that one gives me a friggin headache,especially when I drink beer)
you all know how bitchy I can get when I have a head ache..so

I will continue with a few things I would like to say
firstly dark...i would love to give you a planet..and I'm workin' on it
(bought dr .dyers book on how you can attract anything you want in 30 days) I know I know spent a few of those odd coins I had
it sucks when ad vertising works, but so far, it might be working
because it did say 30 days..I think i have a few left)
I did check into purchasing a planet, that planet z has
but nobody is sure they want to sell..and for what currency.(sighs)real estate
unfortuneately its not mine to give you dark...but if I can't purchase it somehow(thinking the book might work), I will just keep trying

if this does come true, I would hope you would have some of us over for a party,at some point in time, a nice one..with apples, and any other beautiful things that grow on your planet that taste wonderful, and are fun to play with..I like a good game of catch with an apple..I know a game..its fun..nothing to do with any head games about apples either )

also I would like to add
(quit reading now if you're bored cause its getting sappy and it might get worse)

Sandra..I love you ..but I think you know that..just like I know you love me...you're beautiful to me,and to others I'm sure, not in the way you percieve your beauty might be, not in the flesh that you carry yourself
but for the simple part of teaching me to love ,love more than hate
though there is much bitterness in love
for it is not easily defined, in its
innocence to need to trust,and have faith
(ok ..now I'm boring myself
should I stop?)
(sighs)

ok..I'm not going to be able to go through the rest of you this evening
I'm getting sleepy....
but

I wil perserevere....wing taught me that....try harder...(its a good spirit to have at times....is it a spirit?..no.. sorry..must be the spirits I'm drinking(is beer cateragorixed as a spirit?)


(sighs)

I think i might finish this tomorrow, if I have the time

thanks for makin' it this far(hiccup)

(thought I'd have a few drinks and see if my wittiness increased, but sofar I can see I'm impressing no one but myself..so I will kindly walk my self out of this post ,and move onto others of lass emotional nature
one more thought before I leave
(Why do I love celtic music so much, really enjoyed the lil loreena mckinnet snip of music they did at the openng ceremonies,) before the rest of the celtic stuff..though all the music was good....

ok..I've gone off topic enough ..its time to be moving on
soon
not sure when, but, soon
sooner than later maybe

i love anyone who is laughing at this now
you understand me, and I love you for that

I really do

oh yiiiiiiiiy (sounds like yikes but with a 'y')

sheye I just got done tellin ya cheers in your battlefield, and you go and ruin it like this?

What in the world is this all about now?
We have a thing for eachother, I was just about to go and give you a big sloppy kiss, and you totally backed away. hmmmm ?

I'm not really into sloppy kisses,(with women anyhow) but i take the heart felt emotion that it was intended with, and

cheers!!

(I'm drinking crappy pil beer,mcuh prefer a kokanee, especially brewed from the mountain water.)

I'm not sure if you realize the lesson you taught me sandra...in a way that someday you will understand
maybe not in the way you percieve it now, and then again maybe you know
something about fighting very dark forces, in its many forms
with love, in its many forms

I hope I don't forget it..cause I know I'll need it,
now I will tell you this..you will never be able to convince me that they are
equal in measure, for one is much stronger than the other,

but I think I'll just skip the rest
I'm a really lousy teacher,when I'm learning things myself

but I sort of lean towards being self taught in certain areas that mystify me
(I won't go into that either)
I think I have a lot of practicing to do,along with the help of prayers,and good will
cause its a tough battle at times,when you're all alone,and you're not sure what you're fighting, but I've come to rely on love, how I see it, how I feel it
for now
(this was edited to add one space between two words, nothing more ,nothing less,any thing else that seems incorrect feel free to edit)
(this has been edited a second time to add the one small word of ..it.
you can guess where if you like ,but I would suggest not aking to much time doing so)

Cheers sandra

we'd probably laugh all night if we ever did get togther for a few brewskies
maybe cry a few tears too
if i never get the chance..know that I would have wanted to

This has nothing to do with "questions to make you think".

This has nothing to do with "questions to make you think".

too funny greeney

(feel free to slide it to wherever you would feel its appropriate, greeny,
and thankyou for doing so..I actually mean that)

I'm sorry, your papers prohibit you from leaving the premises.

Please be seated and you'll be handled shortly.

while we're off topic, i have a question
way off topic,but sort of troubling

I went to get a chest X-ray today, and I had a technician, that seemed to do her job..oddly?

when i went in..with the lovely blue cotton shirt they give you to wear..
she put me up against the x ray machine, told me to roll my shoulders forward so they are hugging the screen, usual procedure I know, then she pushed me a bit one way..then another till , said sorry i have to get a little pushy in this job,which was fine, but she seemed to like to push a little too much(I know that seems odd but its what I felt,and how she pushed)...then...she told me to take a deeeeeeeeeeep breath
now...I have good sized lungs,,its going to take me I would say a good second and a half to do that maybe 2...as I'm still breathing in..which she can see, she tells me to breathe out now slooooooooooowly...well thats going to take another few seconds at least..right?
and I haven't even finished breathing in yet
then she is telling me to breathe in again sloowly, and breathe out again slowly, while I was still breathing out from the first time
It honestly felt, and I kid you not, that she was trying to play some kind of head game with me, and it pissed me off a bit
inside
so...then she tells me to turn sidewayz, and she wouldn't look at me,
so I asked her if she could look me in the eyes for a sec,which she quickly did,
not really wanting to, and asked
why did you ask that?
I said..why do you think I did?
she just got knid of flustered, but I wanted to really look her in the eyes,and make contact that way

then we were done, and she said, you can go get changed now, but wait till we tell you to leave, we have to make sure the pictures good(something to that effect)
i cheerfully said ok..I was in a good mood today (thank god), but she did upset me a bit with the way she told me to breathe,and a bit rough in the pushing me to the correct part of the screen.

anywayz..I go get dressed, she comes out and sayz it wil be one sec...and I jokingly said(is that 1/4 time)..cause so many people say one sec..as a word..not for really the length of time it is. the other medical worker, (don't know her claasification) was standing not too far, and she sort of winked at me,and grinned,cause she got my joke
but the one who did the xray, made a comment to another worker going by..
shes been a difficult one
I don't think she knew I heard

was I being difficult?
she knew she was playing head games with the breathing stuff, or shes one friggin lousy x-ray technician, maybe having bad day,

how would you deal with that, I wanted to sort of jokingly say while she was giving me the breathing commands, that she has to slow down a bit, or I can't follow her breathing order commands.

but I was in the middle of trying to do them ,so that seemed sort of pointless
(sighs)

then I'm the difficult one cause I make a joke about 1/4 time when somesome says it will be just one sec for the results, and somebody else smiles over it

she was having a bad day I hope....cause if shes like that with a lot of people she needs to refresh on a few courses, wouldn't you say?

i feel bad if I'm being to overly sensitive about it,
yet on the other hand ,
how do you tell someone they are not making any sense doing there job

how is an x-ray supposed to be done?
any medical experts out there?

I have a ton more questions to ask about x-rays,
and how they've changed as well..
technology

it baffles me
I know with cat scans,I can feel that electro whatever stuff it is
not that I've had one
but I remember waiting with my uncle once
when he was waiting to get one done

we were far from the door, and when the nurse opened it(with one of those vests on)
it was like some kind of electo weird force came right out of that room door
I never felt such a wired kind of electricity like that.(i'm sure many of you know more about this sort of stuff than I do)

is there a medical questions forum,that I missed, I should browse around I guess
tell you though, I looked at the vest that nurse was wearing and thought to myself
this can't be much protection for you ,if you're actually in that room all day
what I felt, was just the eenergy of it coming out
the door when it opened
pretty powerful stuff
yeeesh...scares me

thats just another small part of my otherwise not so unboring life.

i often wish things like that could be recorded on some kind of video,
in some other kind of dimension
so a higher type of very wise judging council
could look at and say
hmm.she was having a bad day..we have seen her in other situations
none the less, she needs to improve on a few things
or at least, so someone else could make an honest judgement
about the whole situation,
from an honest perspective
its always good to have a few minds of wisdom look at a situation
and tell you if you're just being way too overly sensitive, or you have a right to voice concern?

(sighs)
it wasn't a great part of my day though, except the timing jokes, which at least soembody else got

I also realize how I've had a lot of crappy days at the jobs I've had,and because of "stress" overload, you can't do your job.properly.

I could tell you some waitressing stories, where I needed help, if the customer was going to get the right kind of service they deserve.
And the girl who called in sick,couldn't help that she got sick, stuff happens, and you deal with it best you can
and appreciate the customers,who understand, and don't make it worse.

I've been one of those as well..bitchy, having a bad day,need to have 5 errands done ,and be back in time, and if the clerk or cashier starts talking to the customer ,in any way, that detains, a quick transaction of funds,needed, so they can kindly proceed on,so I can get my done, and move on.
I've lost my patience at times , waiting, especially if it was something I felt I didn't have to wait for, like service...while the clerk/cashier is ahving a friendly conversation about his family reunion with the customer.

But I'm sure in other situations of work I've been in,somebody could have looked at me the same way..and they would be so right.

Oh mael will tell you all about CT scans, however I'm not sure yet how much you can trust him. Really we should always second guess any health care. We are our own first providers. Ever had a surgeon as your primary care doctor? Least one you would want. They will try and find any possible excuse to go roaming around, and thats not a joke.

sheye, I realise some of the things I have said have not come off in a kind way. I have only wanted for some of my points to be conveyed however possible, and I think you could say the same. Cheers, and every day, is a new day.

Oh mael will tell you all about CT scans, however I'm not sure yet how much you can trust him. Really we should always second guess any health care. We are our own first providers. Ever had a surgeon as your primary care doctor? Least one you would want. They will try and find any possible excuse to go roaming around, and thats not a joke.

sheye, I realise some of the things I have said have not come off in a kind way. I have only wanted for some of my points to be conveyed however possible, and I think you could say the same. Cheers, and every day, is a new day.

you are so right sandra..we are our first primary care givers
I really like that take of the reality of the situation

hey don't worry about what I might have percieved as the unkind stuff
I think your intitled to throw a few rocks at me occasionally
I know I've thrown them at you sandra...sometimes big boulders
maybe I wanted to test your love theory, that no matter how much you feel pain
no matter how much you dish it out
LOVE will always TRIUMPH
I'm not sure...but I know I've learned something incredibably valuable to myself, in the process..of our cyber relationship
I'll always remember you in my prayers(I call them thought prayers)
because I don't like praying on beads too much, although it can be soothing
I hope,and believe you will keep me in yours sandra, cause deep in my soul I know I need them ,especially at certain times


(soul sister hug)?