The Black Vault

I love that you said that Dark..and you are the kind of guy that I would feel comfortable sitting with..no expectations...my very favorite kind.

The ironi in this is that, when people feels comfortable with me, they themselves turn into those they wanted to get away from in the first place by falling "inlove" with me

Maybe you are not one of them but sure almost everyone I've met inlcuding 2 straight guy friends I had some time ago almost kinda...feel inlove with me...

Like the last friend I had, I don't know why but one time we took a bus to his house where I would sleep over for that day because we would have movie night.
Then I feel something on my hand...and it is he holding my hand with his as like we were a couple inlove...
I was like wtf is this sh*t
But since it felt nice I didn't say antyhing and some people who looked didn't have the guts of saying anything because I have a very pissed off face as soon as I go outside my house

But seriously...almost anyone would question his sexuality at that point...
And so on...
Only to end up being the most hated person ever when they do not get the "love" they think I will give them

It's not like I've given them even a single sign on what I would be like from the start.

Sheye, you just have to learn how to control the situation. Most people can't seem to control their attractions to others. If you tell your friend about her husband will she deny it and then accuse you of lying and then be mad with you? If so, is it really a friendship that you want in the long run? Or is she the type of friend who would be thankful, because if he's hitting on you, then he's probably hitting on other women as well!

I've been in situations like this before as well including some at work of all places. If your a friend with someone why would you hit on one of their partners especially if you're married? To me it doesn't make sense, heck have your fun when you're single and stay single until you find someone you really like. What's the point of being married if you're going to do nothing but hit on other women?

As far as my situations, my mom used to throw little parties where a hostess would come and sell kitchen supplies and it was the hostess who hit on me when the party was over in my parents house, in front of my mom as well, she was even married. I was 21 at the time and wasn't going to do anything, especially in front of my mom in her house! Usually in those situations, I tend to ignore it and just use married women to measure up for what kind of single women I can get! The irony is, it's hard not to do something especially when you want to.

sheye wrote:I realize this can be a problem for men as well..if their friends wife tries to hit up on them.

I've had a few situations like this over the course of my life and I'm sure some of you have as well. I've usually tried to deal with it in a subtle but kind way,considering both of them were friends,but this hasn't always worked. Getting angry can help but it sometimes backfires, and creates any enemy out of the husband who then sabatoges the friendship I have with the wife.

Are you being a good friend if you tell the wife the truth about her husbands behaviour,or is best to leave it alone? Its very difficult to tell a friend that you care about that their spouse is a lying cheating dog, and would it really help?

I've already lost one friendship over this type of situation,and was wondering if anyone has some advice they can give me.(these are not just flirtatous overtures either)

I've also experienced meeting new people at a party or gathering,and men who I don't know being overly friendly and making comments that could be taken as overtures. I don't ask for this ,but somehow (at times..not always) the women seem to blame me. Even had this problem with an uncle.

I know some of you have gone through this and would appreciate any feedback on this . I'm sure it has put some men in awkward situations as well as women, so please...either gender feel free to let me know how you deal with this tricky situation.

I had to edit this post because i missed a word,and the sentence made no sense..sorry ..I really need to proof read better

WOW--What an interesting topic, very interesting. How freely can one speak about this subject? Who's full of crap and who really wants to discuss the HONEST reality of it all?

Gawd the stories I can tell about both sides, men as well as women. Nothing worse than a woman on the prowl in her warpaint, mini skirt, and semi bare chested cleavage, except for maybe a fat, out of shape, horny old man with bad breath. Those guys are all IDIOTS and come at a dime a dozen, they give the rest of us a bad rap.

A husband who would actually and honestly HIT on one of his wife's friends isn't much of a real man and I'll guarantee that he has self-esteem issues. Most men who do such things do so a bit further from their home turf. Since the topic is in regard to the aggressive man as opposed to the woman, I'll leave it here. I do have one very interesting personal story I can share if anyone is interested. It's about young ignorance when it comes to older men.

Bring Em Home Cole

great words of wisdom Cole...and please share your story I would love to read it. The thread was intended for both sides,because I know it happens on both sides.

Dark, don't think you would have to worry about everyone falling in love with you. Honestly I love to have male friends that are on the par of a brother sister realtionship. You love them in a way that you love a brother,and appreciate their advice and opinion as a male,the same you would appreciate the advice from a brother.

Sometimes when I try to cultivate friendships like that though,it can seem like they secretly want more,which makes me sad cause I know I don't. My brother even told me that every guy who has a friend that is female secretly looks at her in a sexual way. Don't believe him though.
It also bothers me when people see a man and woman sitting together and automatically assume they are in a relationship of a sexual nature.

Once my brother was in town visiting and we went out for lunch. The wife of one of my husbands aquaintances had come into the restaurant,and as we were leaving I noticed her staring me down like I was some kind of evil witch. I didn't know her well enough to go over and say hi and introduce her to my bro, and as I was leaving I could almost hear the rumours starting .

I read once that you should never believe anything you hear and only half of what you see, but i don't think thats always so wise to go by either.
Thats why i think its important as well that if a spouse does hear something that they at least ask their spouse first about the rumour.
There are probablly some good ways to find out if your spouse is cheating.

I think maybe part of the senerio is the Rumer mills. You find them at all kinds of places people goto. They are in the local bars and hangouts, among groups of people for sure, like a soap opera. Especailly in small towns or companies where the gossup mills at the coffee machine runs wild. Reputations get built as the rumers just go wild. So and so does this, or that, in actuallity probably lives a boring normal life. Its really a hard cruel world for many people when for some reason preceptions become an everyday coffee machine subject. Genetic blessings as you call it Sheye, may be the subject of morning coffee in the office. They are also the cause of wild imaginations that fuel totally untrue rumers. Call it whatever, but its really the case of eroding moral fibers, and lack of boundries in this world. The days of friends or unfortunatly spouses or other relatives, honoring boundries of taboo behavior is going going gone. The worth of marriage vows to some is sacrate, and to others something meaningless. I guesss it boils down to the real honoring yourself in the vow made before God, and not just reading something to go through the motions. The rumor mills reduce their subjects to nothing and the preceptions result in being skipped over for promotions in work places, as the rumors previal. The rumers end up the standard for judgments of those who are the subjects.

At least in California, we have many Vegas commercials, and they all are the same theme. What happens in Veges stays in Vegas, and they usually depict a group of girls in a Limo that obviouly did something, you don;t want anyone to know. So the nightlife in Vegas, has no shortage of that moral fiber, but they come from everyplace on the globe. Its a sad statement IMHO for what we know better about. Maybe I'm just old fashioned and behind the times. Thank God I'm still one that only cares how good the buffets are.


At one time, a friend yeilded to any friend who had an interest in someone. I'm talking normal boyfriend/girlfriend not a disneyland E-ticket ride up in the Hayloft. Marriage ment something, not just to the married couple, but to all others what that ment. Friendship ment something at one time.

I'm not sure marriage meant anymore in the past than it does now. I think Jesus refers to this in the bible. Jews would divorce their wives if they didn't like what they cooked for supper(or for whatever other reason), and the wife didn't get dic all for putting up with the **** hole for 20 odd years.

I think many many marriages stayed together in the past because people were brainwashed into believing they would go to hell if they divorced. I know of nuns who told friends my age that they were going to hell because their parents divorced.

I also think some people honestly make mistakes ,and feel bad for them.

I also think that "company" conventions and the like that are booked in vegas are often about partying,and having a place to "screw" around on your spouse.

I don't think that cheating on your spouse can't be forgiven and healed,its about the honesty of what happened....and the SINCERE desire to not do it again.

Also "family" values can also be decieving depending what type of "family" you come from and what that family values.

_Billy_ wrote:My girlfriends would never cheat on me. Why would they want to?

Until recently I've usually had one twenty-something year old amongst my ladies. They are not my favourites, I prefer them at least thirty-five. I let them go - after I've taught them what they should be looking for. Not cheating on me as such - just me being altruistic.

But one twenty-four year old was a real problem. She was a stalker. She'd sneak-up and come to my place at any hour and demand attention. I was 18 years older than her. Her problem was that she'd gone over to France and hitched-up with a 40 something man and he was good at sex. When she came back to Japan she couldn't find anyone like him - so she found something similar in me and made me her idol. I used to tell her many colourful ways to leave me alone but she'd come and after she'd got what she wanted she'd be all smiles and calm - for a day or two! She had a delightful habit of trying to get laid by ANY man and telling me about it. But she always came back to me because I was the only one who did it as she liked.

I'm happy with my three now. They are all over 40 and I deal with them just about every day.

... But I'm feeling a bit frisky lately and want to try someone new.

Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:54 am
Posts: 1322 _Billy_ wrote:
My girlfriends would never cheat on me. Why would they want to?


Until recently I've usually had one twenty-something year old amongst my ladies. They are not my favourites, I prefer them at least thirty-five. I let them go - after I've taught them what they should be looking for. Not cheating on me as such - just me being altruistic.

But one twenty-four year old was a real problem. She was a stalker. She'd sneak-up and come to my place at any hour and demand attention. I was 18 years older than hshe came back to Japan she couldn't find anyone like him - so she found something similar in me and made me her idol. I used to tell her many colourful ways to leave me alone but she'd come and after she'd got what she wanted she'd be all smiles and calm - for a day or two! She had a delightful habit of trying to get laid by ANY man and telling me about it. But she always came back to me because I was the only one who did it as she liked.

I'm happy with my three now. They are all over 40 and I deal with them just about every day.

... But I'm feeling a bit frisky lately and want to try someone new. er. Her problem was that she'd gone over to France and hitched-up with a 40 something man and he was good at sex. When

Ugh this whole post reeaks to me of male ego..unfortunately there are a lot of friigin stupid women out here who have no self respect for them selves ,and end up being some kind of trophy for some guy to brag about.

Your bragging is nauseating, and your a prime example of the creeps I was talking about in this post. Wow the good old ego...(sighs)

The only people you impress with a post like that mael are the snakes I was talking about in the original post.

(darn it where is biannca's comments when i need them most)

I have 1000 percent more respect for the men that disagree with you on this,and that will never change.

Quite frankly any man who has to brag about how good he is sexually usually isn't worth a damn...I think you might even be making all this up.

(I wonder if my hard drive is going to crash again soon...lol..guess we'll have to see)

By the way..this thread was intended for the question that it posed, to have mael turn into an ego booster is truly sad to me.

Edit : I think I have been meaning to say Bionic instead of biannca...oops Whover it was that posted the thread about her husband cheating on her...I'm sure most of you know who I'm talking about.