The Black Vault

where would one find a good (ok maybe not so good )

original joke thread...

if there is not one...may I start one?

if so ..where?

please feel free to move this to desired location

need to let out a few good jokes somewhere I love laughing

first I have is about a "fightin Irish " girl..its cute...I think so...
(feed back welcome )

Most jokes are just quick remarks you come up without really thinking about them, they're instant. I have a sharp mind so I come up with a lot of quick remarks which I can't really post for one reason or another. Some joke for your thread:

The most effective way to quit smoking...buy two nicotine patches, put them over your eye's that way you can't see your fags!

Man 1 - What do you think of Pakistanis?
Man 2 - Well I couldn't eat a whole one!



Two Jews are walking down the road with a group of Skin-heads walking towards them.
The first Jew says to the second Jew: Look at those skin-heads coming towards us Abe, I think we're in trouble here...anyway here's that £600 I owe you from last week.



The finest site in the world is not a woman on her knees...it's a Jewish stool holder on his knees, you get Jew on his knees and you can blag sawdust.



What's the difference between Microsoft Windows XP and Toyota's? Toyot's can't stop and XP can't start.

A Paki goes up to the Skin-Head living next door to him and says - "I'm a better man than you sir"
Skin-Head - "Alright, I haven't said you weren't...what makes you think you're better than me?"
Paki - "because I haven't got a Paki living next-door to me"

"If I where an optician I'd changed the sign outside my shop so the writing was really, really small and really, really blurry"

too friggin hilarious mate


good on ya ..those are quite good

original?

don;t lie now

twists of other jokes are more than welcome

love a good twist to an original joke

EDIT: to add (I always did like my pakastani neighbor though..she always got my jokes )

thanks lash..

sheye wrote:original?

The Jew and the Skin-heads was a twist on one of Burnard Manning's jokes, he was brilliant when he was alive, but the rest were loosely based on old jokes. I have some more give me a sec.

If you're ever pulled in by the police they have to warn you "everything you say can and will be used as evidence"... your next words must be "okay officer just don't hit me again"

Have you ever wondered why when you phone the Gas Company up they ask you to prove who you are? I'm the bloke with no bloody gas! What do they think you're going to do? turn the cooker on, catch some gas in your hands and then run back home?

Satellite navigation isn't really a huge step in human advancement. We've got rid of the wife given us the wrong directions and replaced her with a computer...at least the computer has an off button.


Edit: I've just remember this one:

My grandfather died at auswitch...he fell of the guard tower.

That isn't one of my own, I don't know who came up with it first but it makes me laugh none the less.

This isn't a joke but it's funny as hell:

BNP (British National/Nazi party) has been forced to accept Non-White-Members! I'd hate to be the only Coloured block at a BNP meeting...I can see it going something like this:

BNP members: "It's time to kick all the Coloured people out and take this coutnry back as our own! Kingsly what do you think of this idea?"
Coloured bloke - "oh crap"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... party.html

They always weigh your bags at the air port but they never weigh you. What you should do is wear at the bloody clothes you're going to wear on holiday.
Check in person - Anything to check in?
You - No (arms sticking out comically)

BNP (British National/Nazi party) has been forced to accept Non-White-Members! I'd hate to be the only Coloured block at a BNP meeting...I can see it going something like this:

BNP members: "It's time to kick all the Coloured people out and take this coutnry back as our own! Kingsly what do you think of this idea?"
Coloured bloke - "oh crap"

too funny lash..keep em coming..they are cute...
nothing for the intent of seriously hurting,,but pointing out the ridiculous..

thank you for you and everyones contribution to this thread..

not sure if I should tell my real original mad eup one about "the fightin' irish girl"...and the "hells angels'

I think its cute...
you're giving me courage.....(and I know you mean no harm by the jokes..
just some laughs)..hopefully administration won't find this thread too offensive.....
if they do..we'll have to follow the rules mate...

we could stick it into a joke thread on the battle forum..that might help..(sighs)..proceed with caution...
SOME of these jokes are bound to offend someone..read at your own risk of taking offence..
something to that effect??

sheye wrote:SOME of these jokes are bound to offend someone..read at your own risk of taking offence...something to that effect??

And there's my que.

What's the difference between the Irish and the French? At least the Irish have the balls to stab us in the back when we're fighting the Germans...the French just run away.


Seriously though I think these type of jokes (they're not directed at a person for god sake) offend you then you need to go and buy laugh and a smile. Most jokes are either quick one-liners, something I'm very good at, or jokes about subjects that are normally "taboo" in society. Can you Imagen coming out with this and meaning it:

My grandfather died at auswitch...he fell of the guard tower.

As a joke it's funny but as anything else it would be very...well messed up.


Jokes are jokes, they're not meant to hurt anyone that's why they're called jokes. I was told the Paki/Skin-head joke by a Paki for god sake! He laughed he bollocks off as well.